IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In many countries, the amount of crime is increasing. What do you think are the main causes of crime? How can we deal with those causes?

#countries #amount #crime
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It is
cetrainly
Correct your spelling
certainly
 true that today In many nations, the percentage of
crime
Use synonyms
 is increasing. I believe There are several reasons behind
Correct article usage
the increase
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increase
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increasing
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the
Change preposition
in the
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 number
of
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in
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crime
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poverty
Correct word choice
and poverty
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,
,
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apply
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and measures can
taken
Change the verb form
be taken
show examples
 by the
governments
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 to tackle
this
Linking Words
 issue.
To begin
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 with, the primary reason for increase the
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crime
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in crime
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 is
dramatically
Change the adverb
dramatic
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 growth of
population
Correct article usage
the population
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. To illustrate,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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overpopulation means more poverty, because
this
Linking Words
 can increase
number
Change the article
the number
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 of
people
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 who compete in the same job.
Therefore
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,
people
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 turn to
crime
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 in
order
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 to meet their
families
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family's
families'
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 responsibilities and pay
for
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apply
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their bills.
Technology
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 is another
reasons
Replace the adjective
reason
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 why
people
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 commit
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crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
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.
This
Linking Words
 is because some video games present
violence
Replace the word
violent
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 images and teach
people
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crime
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 strategies and how
escape
Add the particle
to escape
show examples
 from justice.
For example
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, The video game called Call of Duty
motivate
Correct subject-verb agreement
motivates
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people
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 ,especially children to hold guns and attack others. Regarding solutions, the
governments
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 could make many
effort
Change to a plural noun
efforts
show examples
 in
order
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 to minimize the rate of
crime
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. The first effective measure,
Add a missing verb
is the
show examples
the
Correct your spelling
that
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governments
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 should invest more money in projects namely, hospitals,
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
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,
construction
Correct word choice
and construction
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 in
order
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 to provide more jobs opportunity for
people
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, they can provide financial support for
unemployment
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unemployed
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people
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 in
order
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 to improve their standard of living. The second solution,
Add a missing verb
is the
show examples
the
Correct your spelling
that
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governments
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 should introduce harsh laws to
prohibited
Wrong verb form
prohibit
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 any contains in
technology
Use synonyms
consists
Correct pronoun usage
that consists
show examples
Change preposition
of violence
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violence
Replace the word
violent
show examples
 behaviour.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they can launch educational campaigns in
order
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 to
rasie awarenss
Correct your spelling
raise awareness
 among
people
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 about
dangers
Correct article usage
the dangers
show examples
 of
technology
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, in my opinion ,there are a variety of reasons
motivate
Correct pronoun usage
that motivate
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 to break the laws namely, poverty,
violence
Correct word choice
and violence
show examples
 contains in
technology
Use synonyms
,
however
Linking Words
, there are diverse steps the
governments
Use synonyms
 can
taken
Change the verb form
take
be taken
show examples
 to tackle
this
Linking Words
 problem
including
Change preposition
apply
show examples
, provide
Add an article
a job
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job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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 for
people
Use synonyms
, introduce strict laws,
rasining
Correct your spelling
raising
 awareness among
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
.
Submitted by faiz3177 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic disparity
  • propensity
  • recidivism
  • deterrent
  • rehabilitative
  • judicial system
  • corruption
  • socioeconomic
  • alienation
  • stigmatization
  • decriminalization
  • enforcement
  • gentrification
  • preemptive measures
  • intervention strategies
What to do next:
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