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Band 5.5

In many countries, the amount of crime is increasing. What do you think are the main causes of crime? How can we deal with those causes?

#countries #amount #crime
It is
cetrainly
Correct your spelling
certainly
 true that today In many nations, the percentage of
crime
 is increasing. I believe There are several reasons behind
Correct article usage
the increase
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increase
Change the verb form
increasing
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the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 number
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
crime
poverty
Correct word choice
and poverty
show examples
,
,
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apply
show examples
and measures can
taken
Change the verb form
be taken
show examples
 by the
governments
 to tackle
this
 issue.
To begin
 with, the primary reason for increase the
crime
Change preposition
in crime
show examples
 is
dramatically
Change the adverb
dramatic
show examples
 growth of
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
. To illustrate,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
overpopulation means more poverty, because
this
 can increase
number
Change the article
the number
show examples
 of
people
 who compete in the same job.
Therefore
,
people
 turn to
crime
 in
order
 to meet their
families
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family's
families'
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 responsibilities and pay
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their bills.
Technology
 is another
reasons
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reason
show examples
 why
people
 commit
crime
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crimes
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.
This
 is because some video games present
violence
Replace the word
violent
show examples
 images and teach
people
crime
 strategies and how
escape
Add the particle
to escape
show examples
 from justice.
For example
, The video game called Call of Duty
motivate
Correct subject-verb agreement
motivates
show examples
people
 ,especially children to hold guns and attack others. Regarding solutions, the
governments
 could make many
effort
Change to a plural noun
efforts
show examples
 in
order
 to minimize the rate of
crime
. The first effective measure,
Add a missing verb
is the
show examples
the
Correct your spelling
that
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governments
 should invest more money in projects namely, hospitals,
school
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schools
show examples
,
construction
Correct word choice
and construction
show examples
 in
order
 to provide more jobs opportunity for
people
.
Furthermore
, they can provide financial support for
unemployment
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unemployed
show examples
people
 in
order
 to improve their standard of living. The second solution,
Add a missing verb
is the
show examples
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
governments
 should introduce harsh laws to
prohibited
Wrong verb form
prohibit
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 any contains in
technology
consists
Correct pronoun usage
that consists
show examples
Change preposition
of violence
show examples
violence
Replace the word
violent
show examples
 behaviour.
Moreover
, they can launch educational campaigns in
order
 to
rasie awarenss
Correct your spelling
raise awareness
 among
people
 about
dangers
Correct article usage
the dangers
show examples
 of
technology
. In conclusion, in my opinion ,there are a variety of reasons
motivate
Correct pronoun usage
that motivate
show examples
people
 to break the laws namely, poverty,
violence
Correct word choice
and violence
show examples
 contains in
technology
,
however
, there are diverse steps the
governments
 can
taken
Change the verb form
take
be taken
show examples
 to tackle
this
 problem
including
Change preposition
apply
show examples
, provide
Add an article
a job
show examples
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 for
people
, introduce strict laws,
rasining
Correct your spelling
raising
 awareness among
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
.
Submitted by faiz3177 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic disparity
  • propensity
  • recidivism
  • deterrent
  • rehabilitative
  • judicial system
  • corruption
  • socioeconomic
  • alienation
  • stigmatization
  • decriminalization
  • enforcement
  • gentrification
  • preemptive measures
  • intervention strategies
What to do next:
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