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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many young people today leave school with a negative attitude towards learning. Why is this the case? What can be done to encourage a positive attitute to learning in young people?

Nowadays, many young
people
Use synonyms
 leave
school
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 with a negative
attitude
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 towards learning. Some young
people
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 think learning is useless, and others think money is not equal to learning, who only want to make money and
don,
Correct your spelling
don't
t
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 want to waste teme
to
Change preposition
on
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 learning. For young
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people
Add a comma
,people
show examples
 their
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
 and ideas are largely
impresed
Correct your spelling
impressed
 by the internet and actors. They
don,
Correct your spelling
don't
t
Use synonyms
 think learning is important. The young
people
Use synonyms
's mind only
is make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 money.
Howerer
Correct your spelling
However
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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young
people
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is
Change the verb form
are
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 our country,s future. The young
peope
Correct your spelling
people
 become strong,
then
Linking Words
Correct article usage
the conntry
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conntry
Correct your spelling
country
 will
also
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 become strong.
Thus
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young
people
Use synonyms
 should have a
posttive
Correct your spelling
positive
attitude
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 to learning. Learning is the
siginaficant
Correct your spelling
significant
 for
people
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, especially for young
people
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, which is because
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young
people
Use synonyms
haven
Correct your spelling
have
show examples
,
t
Use synonyms
 learn something that will result in unemployment. The young
people
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 only want to make
noney
Correct your spelling
money
 or play,
however
Linking Words
, no
learn
Change the form of the verb
learning
show examples
, no gain. If young
peple Contitue
Correct your spelling
people continue
 to stay thinking and playing
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
who
Correct word choice
and
show examples
don
Correct your spelling
do
show examples
,
t
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 realise the importance of
leaning
Correct your spelling
learning
show examples
, when the young
people
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 really grow, they will find they can'
t
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 do anything. And the result is that the young
people
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 will
shame
Add a missing verb
be shame
show examples
 for they have wasted
their
Change the pronoun
the
show examples
 valued
time
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 of their life. But the shame for the
growed
Correct your spelling
grown
show examples
 young
people
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 is too late. The best
time
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 for young
people
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 to learn is the present
time
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 As for learning.
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young
Correct your spelling
Young
show examples
people
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 can from the simplest to the most difficult knowledge. Learning and
knowedge
Correct your spelling
knowledge
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 very
colorful
Change the spelling
colourful
show examples
, the young
people
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 should find their interest and talents. The interest is the best teacher. Some young
people
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 like
play
Fix the infinitive
to play
show examples
 Cemputer,
their
Replace the word
they're
they are
show examples
 the young
people
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 can learn computer
progrom
Correct your spelling
programs
 to create their own computer games.
Besides
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, some young
peple
Correct your spelling
people
tike
Correct your spelling
like
show examples
plane
Fix the agreement mistake
planes
show examples
,
then
Linking Words
 the young
people
Use synonyms
 must fam relative
knouledge
Correct your spelling
knowledge
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
Add an article
the plane
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plane
Fix the agreement mistake
planes
show examples
, and they
also
Linking Words
 should go to
school
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 to learn Some
theoritical
Correct your spelling
theoretical
 knowledge so that they can really put theory into practice.
Thus
Linking Words
, the
school
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 is for the young
people
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 to achieve their dreams. So if the young
people
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 learn
school
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 and enter the
sociey
Correct your spelling
society
.
Then
Linking Words
 they will
far
Add a missing verb
be far
show examples
 away from their original ideal and dream.
Positive
Correct article usage
A positive
show examples
attitude
Use synonyms
 to learning is very important for young
people
Use synonyms
. And young
people
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 should have
confidente
Correct your spelling
confidence
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
theirselves
Correct your spelling
themselves
show examples
.
The learning
Correct article usage
Learning
show examples
 is help them to
achive
Correct your spelling
achieve
 ideals and dreams. The young
people
Use synonyms
onght
Correct your spelling
ought
 to have a correct
attitude
Use synonyms
 towards to the learning.
The learning
Correct article usage
Learning
show examples
 is
colorful
Change the spelling
colourful
show examples
 and
lntimitedy
Correct your spelling
limited
 and it can
freely
Add a missing verb
be freely
show examples
 and unblocked to share between young
people
Use synonyms
 and everyone in society.
Therefore
Linking Words
, for young
people
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, they should cherish their young
time
Use synonyms
, find
selfdream
Correct your spelling
self dream
self-dream
 and achieve it.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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