IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #situation #job #shortage #money #situations
For some
individuals
Add a comma
,individuals
show examples
 it is preferable to accept the terrible condition
for example
 an unsatisfactory job or shortage of finances.
Meanwhile
Add a comma
,Meanwhile
show examples
 others debate that it is worth to try and improve
such
 conditions.
Overall
,
people
 nowadays have been
strugling
Correct your spelling
struggling
 with many unfair conditions
such
 as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money, and they do not want to change it. It may be caused
due to
 their weakness against authorities or their laziness. Well, it is better to try to go against
such
non-sense
Correct your spelling
nonsense
show examples
 from the
authorities
Change noun form
authority's
authorities'
show examples
 side. Nowadays we have a lot of organisations with plenty of activists who are trying to make our life, better.
For
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
 the meetings in Paris which were post quarantine which was against of shortage of money afterwards caused the improvement of
this
 problem and the local citizens to go against authorities and require that condition
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
suitable to them. The reasons why
people
 still do not do
such
 things, it is because of a fear of
government
 and the laziness of most individuals. With that fear and laziness
people
 will
continue
Add the particle
tocontinue
show examples
 live with
such
 unfair nonsense and the only
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
 who could really stop
this
 are the
people
 themselves. As
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 example of why
people
scared
Add a missing verb
are scared
show examples
 of
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
, the situation in Kazakhstan
cores
Correct your spelling
comes
show examples
 to mind. At the
begining
Correct your spelling
beginning
 of
2022
Add a comma
,2022
show examples
 the cost of gas in has increased twice which caused a conflict between
nation
Correct article usage
the nation
show examples
 and
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
. There were meetings in all regions and it caused a huge act of vandalism which was hated by
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
. After two days of vandalism, the citizens were warned to stop it. Even though the warning, they did not stop and
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 knocked
a
Change preposition
out a
show examples
lot of citizens and put them
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
cell
Fix the agreement mistake
cells
show examples
. It is not good to keep
mouth
Correct pronoun usage
your mouth
show examples
 shut against the
government
. If
people
 understand that they are on their
shoe string
Correct your spelling
shoestring
show examples
due to
 the
government
, they should improve it,
however
 without acts of vandalism.
Submitted by ronadeclaro on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • adversity
  • resilience
  • stoicism
  • contentment
  • cope
  • adapt
  • endure
  • persevere
  • settle
  • ambition
  • tenacious
  • determined
  • resourceful
  • optimistic
  • self-improvement
  • proactive
  • initiative
  • transform
  • overcome
  • confront
What to do next:
Look at other essays: