Doctors, nurses and teachers make a great contribution to the society and should be payed more than entertainment and sports celebrities. Do you agree or disagree?

#doctors #nurses #teachers #contribution #society #entertainment #sports #celebrities

In these contemporary times, entertainment and

sports

celebrities

are well-paid,

while

in comparison with them, doctors, nurses, and teachers' salaries may seem insufficient. Some

people

believe that they are deserving of receiving a higher salary than those

celebrities

because their presence is necessary for our society.

Although

I agree with the opinion that being a public servant is a great job, I do not believe that their wages should be higher than those of successful

people

Firstly

, it is certainly true that achieving fame as an entertainer or

sports

player requires a high level of potential and fortune. Until the day when

people

acquired those occupations, they would need to undertake significant endeavours. Not only

this

, it is not always true that all

people

who pursue

such

glorious fame can be famous.

Therefore

, it is no surprise that they make a lot of money.

On the other hand

, It is

also

not easy to be in

such

professions as doctors, nurses, and teachers, as those entail exceptional skill and knowledge.

However

, since those occupations are in high demand and numerous compared to entertainers or

sports

players, it is impossible to increase their salaries one by one.

Furthermore

, if everyone could be an entertainer, many

people

would aim to be one, but the fact is that only rare and unique

people

can become

celebrities

. In conclusion, even though professional jobs

such

as doctors, nurses, and teachers are vital in

this

society, unlike them, entertainment and

sports

players are more special occupations.

Therefore

, if those professional jobs' wages are higher than those of

celebrities

, their work would be worthless.

Submitted by songcheng619 on Wed Jun 28 2023

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task achievement

You should ensure that your opinion is clear and not ambiguous. Your stand wasn't clear in your introduction. Make sure to articulate your viewpoint explicitly.

coherence cohesion

Your essay lacks clear paragraphation. Support one idea per body paragraph in detail rather than discussing multiple ideas in one paragraph. Remember, clarity first!

lexical resource

Consider using a broader range of vocabulary to express your ideas. Try avoiding repeated vocabulary. The range of lexical resource plays a significant role, particularly with regards to synonyms.

grammatical range

Ensure your sentences are grammatically correct and make sense. Keep working on your grammar accuracy and use of punctuation. Re-read your sentence after writing to make sure it's grammatically sound.

Fully explain your ideas

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Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

267 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

6.5

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

6.5

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

contribution
essential services
long hours
stressful
well-being
development
entertain
inspire
exorbitant salaries
unfair
talented individuals
professions

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Doctors, nurses and teachers make a great contribution to the society and should be payed more than entertainment and sports celebrities. Do you agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

some argue that he quality of product is what matters while others suggest that products should be affordable. discuss both views and give your opinion

Some people think that it should be compulsory for people to retake their driving test every 5 what are the advantages and disadvantages of doing this?

Now a days, many families are rarely having meals together. Why is this happening? Is this a positive or a negative development.

Some people think that the best way to be successful in life is to get a university education. Others disagree and say this is no longer true. Discuss both views and give your own opinion