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Band 7.5

Doctors, nurses and teachers make a great contribution to the society and should be payed more than entertainment and sports celebrities. Do you agree or disagree?

#doctors #nurses #teachers #contribution #society #entertainment #sports #celebrities
In these contemporary times, entertainment and
sports
celebrities
 are well-paid,
while
 in comparison with them, doctors, nurses, and teachers' salaries may seem insufficient. Some
people
 believe that they are deserving of receiving a higher salary than those
celebrities
 because their presence is necessary for our society.
Although
 I agree with the opinion that being a public servant is a great job, I do not believe that their wages should be higher than those of successful
people
.
Firstly
, it is certainly true that achieving fame as an entertainer or
sports
 player requires a high level of potential and fortune. Until the day when
people
 acquired those occupations, they would need to undertake significant endeavours. Not only
this
, it is not always true that all
people
 who pursue
such
 glorious fame can be famous.
Therefore
, it is no surprise that they make a lot of money.
On the other hand
, It is
also
 not easy to be in
such
 professions as doctors, nurses, and teachers, as those entail exceptional skill and knowledge.
However
, since those occupations are in high demand and numerous compared to entertainers or
sports
 players, it is impossible to increase their salaries one by one.
Furthermore
, if everyone could be an entertainer, many
people
 would aim to be one, but the fact is that only rare and unique
people
 can become
celebrities
. In conclusion, even though professional jobs
such
 as doctors, nurses, and teachers are vital in
this
 society, unlike them, entertainment and
sports
 players are more special occupations.
Therefore
, if those professional jobs' wages are higher than those of
celebrities
, their work would be worthless.
Submitted by songcheng619 on

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task achievement
You should ensure that your opinion is clear and not ambiguous. Your stand wasn't clear in your introduction. Make sure to articulate your viewpoint explicitly.
coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks clear paragraphation. Support one idea per body paragraph in detail rather than discussing multiple ideas in one paragraph. Remember, clarity first!
lexical resource
Consider using a broader range of vocabulary to express your ideas. Try avoiding repeated vocabulary. The range of lexical resource plays a significant role, particularly with regards to synonyms.
grammatical range
Ensure your sentences are grammatically correct and make sense. Keep working on your grammar accuracy and use of punctuation. Re-read your sentence after writing to make sure it's grammatically sound.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • contribution
  • essential services
  • long hours
  • stressful
  • well-being
  • development
  • entertain
  • inspire
  • exorbitant salaries
  • unfair
  • talented individuals
  • professions
What to do next:
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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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