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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries children are engaged in some kind od paid work, some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility.

#countries #children #od #work #people #responsibility
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Child
Use synonyms
 labour is a controversial topic
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
nowadays
Use synonyms
becouse
Correct your spelling
because
 it has some particular positive impacts and detrimental effects.
However
Linking Words
, some group of individuals argue that
child
Use synonyms
 employment is totally harmful for
thier
Correct your spelling
their
further
Linking Words
 education
while
Linking Words
 opponents state that it gain beneficial
job
Use synonyms
 experience and they perceive a liability of occupation at
early
Add an article
an early
show examples
age
Use synonyms
. I stand for the latter approach.
This
Linking Words
 essay will explore both views and state my own opinion about
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 circumstances. On the one hand, when kids
involve
Change the form of the verb
involved
show examples
 in various types of
employments
Fix the agreement mistake
employment
show examples
 at
their
Change the word
a
show examples
 young
age
Use synonyms
, they lost their
valuble
Correct your spelling
valuable
 childhood.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, they couldn'
t
Use synonyms
 go back to that
time
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.
In addition
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, young students don'
t
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 pay more attention
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their academics when they are doing
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
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time
Use synonyms
 or
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
. They couldn'
t
Use synonyms
 invest enough
time
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their studies.
In other words
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
abondon
Correct your spelling
abandon
 from
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
Use synonyms
becouse
Correct your spelling
because
 they tend to earn lots of money since childhood.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
employees
Add an article
the employees
show examples
 attempt to take
difficult
Change preposition
on difficult
show examples
 work from toddlers without paying
a
Change the article
an
show examples
adaquate
Correct your spelling
adequate
 salary.
For instance
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, the
department
Correct your spelling
Department
show examples
 of
education
Correct your spelling
Education
show examples
 in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 pointed out from their research that as students involve
numerous
Change preposition
in numerous
show examples
 occupations at
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 young
age
Use synonyms
, they couldn'
t
Use synonyms
 get higher
score
Fix the agreement mistake
scores
show examples
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the examinations
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
hold by schools and governments. Not only that but
also
Linking Words
 they are unable to contest in
competitive
Correct article usage
a competitive
show examples
 world
Use synonyms
becouse
Correct your spelling
because
 of
this
Linking Words
 reason.
However
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, after considering
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
all facts, my opinion is that we should let them for doing work with balancing their studies and
partime
Correct your spelling
part-time
 jobs.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some experts in our society evaluate
child
Use synonyms
 employers
Use synonyms
becouse
Correct your spelling
because
 they consider that it is a
greate
Correct your spelling
great
 opportunity to improve
job
Use synonyms
 skills.
Conversely
Linking Words
, It
affect
Change the verb form
affects
show examples
 to enhance a person's character and personality for
appropriate
Correct article usage
an appropriate
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
future career.
Moreover
Linking Words
, If toddlers join any kind of employment, they could learn
real
Add an article
the real
show examples
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
show examples
 of work and workflow.
Beside
Replace the word
Besides
show examples
, they will become
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 independent individual and
fianancialy
Correct your spelling
financially
financial
 stable person at
early
Add an article
an early
show examples
age
Use synonyms
 without
Correct article usage
the support
show examples
support
Change the verb form
supporting
show examples
their
Change preposition
from their
show examples
 parents.
In addition
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
, who are doing in
Use synonyms
job
Add an article
the job
show examples
, occur a
responsibilty
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 regarding their occupation. It will influence
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their upcoming career.
For example
Linking Words
, the
explortion
Correct your spelling
exploration
, which have done by
University
Correct article usage
the University
show examples
 of London in
past
Add an article
the past
show examples
 decade, found that former working
children
Use synonyms
 will become
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
notable
entreprenears
Correct your spelling
entrepreneurs
entrepreneur
 in future. Not only that but
also
Linking Words
 they will
familiar
Add a missing verb
be familiar
show examples
for
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the upcoming working methods.
Therefore
Linking Words
 I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 argument
Use synonyms
becouse
Correct your spelling
because
 all reasons positively affect
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the advancement of
Use synonyms
Add an article
the child
show examples
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
. In conclusion,
This
Linking Words
 essay mostly
support
Change the verb form
supports
show examples
 the idea that
child
Use synonyms
 employment
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of benefits.
Although
Linking Words
 it has some unfavourable
aspect
Fix the agreement mistake
aspects
show examples
,
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
my opinion is that we should let them
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
follow
this
Linking Words
 growing trend.
However
Linking Words
, I
recomend
Correct your spelling
recommend
 that government should take
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
responsibilty
Correct your spelling
responsibility
about
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the protection of
child
Use synonyms
labours
Fix the agreement mistake
labour
show examples
 and parents have a liability to show accurate ways to build up
Use synonyms
children's
Correct pronoun usage
their children's
show examples
 future life.
Submitted by yohanigallage99 on

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Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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