IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Most countries aim to improve their standard of living through economic development, but many important social values can be lost as a result. Do the advantages of economic development outweigh the disadvantages?

Several leaders of countries in the 21st century try to advance their economies for better lifestyles.
However
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, others argue that there are some worrying outcomes related to the loss of essential
values
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. In my opinion, the benefits of economic
development
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 outweigh the drawbacks, but economic growth has to be carefully balanced with the maintenance of social
values
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. There are several undeniable advantages to flourishing economic conditions.
Firstly
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, it creates more job opportunities, leading to a reduction in poverty and an increase in the occupation rate.
For example
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, a study conducted by the European Parliament Research Service in 2024 showed that in all EU member states the employment rate rose by 2.5% in the
last
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 two years.
Moreover
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, economic growth improves the competitiveness of industries, which are able to pay more taxes.
As a consequence
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, governments receive more revenues and that means that more public services
such
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 as healthcare, education and infrastructure
development
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 may be provided.
On the other hand
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, excessive focus on economic improvement may be detrimental to social
values
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. In the race of rapid growth, people could lose
values
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as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
show examples
 cooperation and equality.
Moreover
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, countries often no longer care about their traditions and cultural heritage to push the
development
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.
For example
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, the rise of consumerism and material wealth in fashion cities,
such
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 as Milan and Paris, often leads to the erosion of cultural practices and traditions as people value material possessions over cultural preservation.
Additionally
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, the focus on personal success often
overshadow
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overshadows
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 the importance of social relationships. These
behaviors
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behaviours
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 result in a lack of interest in the condition of undeveloped countries, exacerbating social divisions. In conclusion,
although
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 economic
development
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 is undoubtedly advantageous, it is crucial to balance it with the recognition of the importance of social
values
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, because their loss may have dangerous impacts.

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coherence and cohesion
Improve linking phrases between ideas to enhance flow. Consider using more varied transition words in paragraphs to connect thoughts more smoothly.
task achievement
Strengthen the conclusion by reiterating key points more emphatically. You could also suggest how to achieve a balance between economic development and social values succinctly.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is well-structured with clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task achievement
Relevant examples enhance the argument, particularly the use of specific statistics and contemporary references.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • standard of living
  • economic development
  • quality of life
  • infrastructure
  • healthcare
  • education
  • job opportunities
  • unemployment
  • poverty
  • technological advancements
  • innovation
  • traditional cultural values
  • social bonds
  • material wealth
  • consumerism
  • social inequality
  • environmental conservation
  • wealth gap
  • vulnerable groups
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