IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#countries #people #sums #money #railway #lines #trains #cities #transport
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In some countries, it’s argued that the government should spend a lot of money on building high-speed
railways
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 to facilitate transportation between
cities
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while
Linking Words
 others claim that it would be more beneficial if the money was spent on improvement in existing public
transport
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.
while
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 high-speed
railways
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 can boost the economy in
cities
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, I believe that improving existing public
transport
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 is more important to the enhancement of
people
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’s quality of life. On the one hand, constructing more new railway lines can reduce the time
people
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travel
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 to other
cities
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 and provide a more convenient way for tourists. To be specific,
people
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 are more willing to
travel
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, leading to increased consumption in the tourist destination, the development of tourism and the growth of the local economy.
For example
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, there are few
people
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 who choose to
travel
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 to Shantou
due to
Linking Words
 the poor access to transportation.
However
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, since the development of high-speed
railways
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, it only takes 2 or 3 hours for inhabitants of
cities
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 in the same province to arrive at Shantou. Since
then
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, more and more
people
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 have gone to Shantou on their holiday, and there has been a great growth in
economy
Add an article
the economy
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, improvement in existing public
transport
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 is more beneficial for citizens as commuters are struggling with the traffic congestion during the rush hour and the poor air conditions.
That is
Linking Words
 to say, investment in buses and trains, which would mean fewer
people
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 need to
travel
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 by car, will ease the traffic jams.
Besides
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, a well-designed
transport
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 system that promotes the use of clean energy is more eco-friendly and
thus
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 improves the air quality of a city.
For example
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, Beijing, a big city in China, was facing smog which came from incomplete combustion of vehicles. After an enhancement of public transportation and the promotion of environmentally friendly initiatives, the problem has been greatly alleviated and the living standard of citizens has been lifted. In conclusion,
while
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 the reasons why
people
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 think more money should be spent on high-speed
railways
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 are understandable, I believe the government should pay more attention to the existing public
transport
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.
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Coherence and Cohesion
You have successfully organized your essay into clear paragraphs, each focusing on different aspects of the argument. To further enhance the logical flow, consider using more linking words or phrases that explicitly show the relationship between paragraphs and ideas.
Task Achievement
Great job on providing specific examples to support your points. Remember, utilizing a variety of sentence structures can also enhance the readability and sophistication of your essay.
Introduction and Conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are both present and effectively frame your argument, providing a clear statement of your opinion.
Examples
The essay provides relevant examples to support your viewpoints, which strengthens the argument effectively. Keep focusing on integrating examples that solidly back up your main points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • infrastructure
  • efficient
  • congestion
  • sustainable
  • environmentally friendly
  • connectivity
  • economic growth
  • public transportation
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