IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The given line graph depicts information about changing rates in the using up-to-date technologies by household users between 1996 and 2003.

The given line graph depicts information about changing rates in the using up-to-date technologies by household users between 1996 and 2003.
The given line graph depicts information about changing rates in the using up-to-date technologies by household users between 1996 and 2003.
As
Change preposition
Overall
show examples
overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that the rates of technologies increased gradually, with CD player
rate’s
Change noun form
rates
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 being the top over the depicted
period
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
,Also
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 it’s noticeable that
internet’s
Correct article usage
the internet’s
show examples
joining
Wrong verb form
joined
show examples
 the competition in 1998.
Firstly
Linking Words
, when
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
internet
Correct your spelling
Internet
show examples
 arose in 1998, its proportion immediately reached 10% and continued growing at the same tempo until the end of the given
period
Use synonyms
 with the highest reach of 45%.
Also
Linking Words
 in the same year of the arise,
mobile
Correct article usage
the mobile
show examples
 phone
ratio
Use synonyms
 had
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
rapidly doubled to nearly 45%. Since
then
Linking Words
 the
ratio
Use synonyms
 of mobile phones had
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
considerably
rose
Wrong verb form
risen
show examples
, with
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 all-time high of almost 70% in 2003.
Whole
Correct your spelling
While
show examples
 the given
period
Use synonyms
, the lead competitor is definitely the
ratio
Use synonyms
 of CD players.
In
Change preposition
At
show examples
 the start of the
period
Use synonyms
, it was nearly 60% which
almost
Add a missing verb
is almost
show examples
 twice as big as the
ratio
Use synonyms
 of the nearest competitor (home computer). Following it moderately went up to almost 82%, slightly slowing down the speed of rate in the
last
Linking Words
 2-year span. The proportion of
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 was the only competitor at keeping the same rising speed over the whole depicted
period
Use synonyms
 without any downwards. It experienced a gradual rise of 25%, starting from 30%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Contractions: Don't use contractions.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words period, ratio with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "give" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "depicts" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
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