IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The diagrams below show the changes that have taken place at West Park Secondary School since its construction in 1950. Summarise the informationby selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagrams below show the changes that have taken place at West Park Secondary School since its construction in 1950. Summarise the informationby selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#diagrams #show #changes #place #west #park #school #construction #summarise #informationby #features #comparisons
West
Park
 Secondary
School
 - it is a building with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 long history, for the past 60 years there were significant changes, which I want to observe. Let's begin with the situation in
1950s
Change the article
the 1950s
show examples
. As we can see the
school
 is located near the main road. Behind the
school
Add a comma
,school
show examples
 there is a large playground. If we look at the
school
 from the front side, we will see houses and
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
farmland behind them.
Secondary
Replace the word
Secondly
show examples
, we should look at the building plan
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
1980s
Change the article
the 1980s
show examples
. Now,
school
Add an article
the school
show examples
 has
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
 main building and a new science block was built.
Moreover
, now near the research
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
center
Add a comma
,center
show examples
 there is a car
park
 and the sports field is now located at the previous farmland territory. In 2010 there were rapid changes in West
Park
 Secondary
School
 building plan.
Car
Add an article
The car
show examples
park
 now occupies
huge
Add an article
a huge
show examples
 part of the
school yard
Correct your spelling
schoolyard
show examples
. It has taken the territory of the old
sportsfield
Correct your spelling
sports field
show examples
.
Besides
this
, the sportsfield and the playground are now delaying the same area and both of them were cut.
Overall
, there were significant changes since
1950s
Change the article
the 1950s
show examples
.
First,
science
Correct article usage
a science
show examples
 block was built,
secondly
,
area
Add an article
an area
the area
show examples
 which uses
car
Correct article usage
a car
show examples
park
 has grown. The
last
 thing is that the
sportsfield
Correct your spelling
sports field
show examples
 became smaller
as
Change preposition
than
show examples
 the playground.
Submitted by amur200617 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words park, school with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "changes" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
▼

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: