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Band 5

In some countries, many more people are choosing to live alone nowadays than in the past. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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There are countries where the number of citizens who have decided to live alone
is
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has
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growing
Wrong verb form
grown
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 in past years.
This
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 essay argues that
this
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 trend has mostly negative consequences because it reduces the country's demographics and may cause mental illnesses among individuals. The primary reason why solo living may negatively affect society is the decreasing amount of newborn children. When a person decides not to create a family and live alone he is not able to
rise
Correct your spelling
raise
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 a child and continue his kind.
Although
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, on a small scale
this
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 has almost zero influence on the society, when it becomes a common tendency it may disbalance the proportion of born and dead individuals in the country.
Consequently
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, if there are fewer people born than died, the state will start to suffer from demographical issues,
such
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 as a shortage of work and military power.
For example
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, an average male in Russia is afraid to start a family
due to
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 political instability in the world,
as a result
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, there are more open positions in the companies than the man who is able to work. The second reason why it is better to avoid living alone is the possibility of mental illnesses when an individual is isolated from society. There is a natural reflex of the human being to speak and share his ideas because we are social mammals. What is more, isolation is usually considered as a punishment.
That is
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 why, loneliness is a negative feeling and too much of it may lead to depression or any other mental diseases.
For instance
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, Japan has defined loneliness as a national issue and started to create special services to share a friend to help people socialize.
However
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, if citizens had thought about living in pairs or groups that would never have been an issue. In conclusion, in some countries, living alone is preferable for a larger amount of people nowadays than in the past. I believe that it
brings
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has
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 a negative effect because it may reduce population size and trigger mental issues.

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coherence cohesion
The essay contains relevant ideas to support the arguments. However, these ideas need to be presented in a more coherent and structured manner to improve the overall flow of the essay.
task achievement
The essay partly addresses the task by discussing the positive and negative aspects of living alone. However, the arguments need to be developed more effectively and the introduction and conclusion should provide clearer summaries of the points made in the essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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