IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

people are spending more on travel today than in the past. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #travel #outweigh
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
this
Linking Words
 era,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
global citizens have more budget for travelling than before.
While
Linking Words
 there is clearly a drawback to
this
Linking Words
, I personally believe that the benefits are more significant. The disadvantage of spending more on travel is that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people'
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 needs
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
their
Change the word
a
show examples
 daily basis will be reduced,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is a major monthly expense. The reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
Linking Words
 is that the cost of
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
 and children's education
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
this
Linking Words
 time are higher than
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 past period.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
individuals
Use synonyms
 should
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
allocate their salary to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 the main expenditures
Linking Words
firstly
Change the word
first
show examples
 and
then
Linking Words
 they plan to go on vacation.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, one of the major advantages is that the visitor's outcomes will provide an impact
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the tourist attractions.
For example
Linking Words
, the sellers in Bali get profits as numerous tourists visit that beautiful place and buy many souvenirs from them.
As a result
Linking Words
, the number of
tourism
Replace the word
tourists
show examples
 in Bali increases each year.
In addition
Linking Words
 to that,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
travelling has
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
merit for
individuals
Use synonyms
 to obtain relaxation. As we know,
due to
Linking Words
 hard work in their office, people nowadays become more
stressful
Replace the word
stressed
show examples
.
Consequently
Linking Words
, they should go on travel with their relatives to take a rest and they can focus
with
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their job after that. In conclusion, the upsides are of greater significance than the downside. Despite the fact that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
travelling will reduce the budget for people's daily activities. Given
this
Linking Words
 situation, it is recommended that
individuals
Use synonyms
 should more allocate
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
money to go on travel because it can help to
rise
Correct your spelling
raise
show examples
 the economy of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tourist places and help
individuals
Use synonyms
 to relax their souls.
Submitted by dimasfajarairlangga on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: