In some countries, traditional leisure activities like dance, music, and sports are becoming less popular among young people. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

#countries #leisure #activities #dance #music #sports #people #development

It is pretty evident that

due to

the development of online services and the internet ,itself young

people

spend more and more

time

playing video games, watching series and surfing the World Wide Web. Taking up a new hobby for the young generation is normal nowadays and I think they have a beneficial impact on them. To start with,

activities

such

as binge-watching series or playing video games help unwind and relax.

Moreover

, they serve as an option to escape from worries in real life and

people

can use

this

time

to calm down.

For example

, after a hard day at school or at work

people

can enjoy their favourite game and it would psych up them and give them some energy for

further

work.

In addition

, with all the different plots and scenarios games endeavour

people

to think in creative ways. Thereby, developing

people

’s imagination.

Secondly

, non-traditional

activities

can foster interest in education, especially, in the subject of history.

For instance

, a lot of streaming services do mini-series or films about historical events. Advanced graphics and great quality appeal

the

Change preposition

to the

show examples

attention of users and they decide to set aside some

time

to watch those episodes. Shredding light on

this

historical subject not only teaches

people

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

but

also

evolves their critical thinking.

To conclude

, despite all changes in selected leisure

activities

and hobbies

people

still get positive effects from them. Digitalised hobbies are pleasant to do and at the same ,

time

they enhance a lot of skills that individuals can use in future.

Furthermore

, those

activities

help

people

’s mental health and maintain their well being

Submitted by sevrukov.stepan on Thu Jun 29 2023

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Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

266 words

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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In some countries, traditional leisure activities like dance, music, and sports are becoming less popular among young people. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organisation. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed?

The government should control the Internet to reduce cyber crime and ensure safety of users. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some people suggest that children do not understand the world of work and schools should make all teenagers spend a short time working as well as studying academic subjects. To what extent do you agree?

The growth of online shopping will one day lead to all shops in towns and cities closing. Do you agree or disagree?

Topic: Nowadays, more people move away from their friends and families for work. Do advantages outweigh the disadvantages? You should write at least 250 words.