IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject.To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

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There are opinions that education organizations
such
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 as universities should accept the same quantity of male and female students in every subject. I partially agree with
this
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 statement and discuss the reasons in the following paragraphs with relevant examples.
To begin
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 with, many individuals believe that tuition should be equal for everybody, regardless of gender.
In other words
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, men or women have the same right
for participating
Change preposition
to participate
show examples
 in subjects that they are chosen during the semester.
For example
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, some male individuals tended and were talented in knitting or stitching stereotypically thought to be a female's passion. Or vice versa, girls may be interested in software engineering which is intended to be a men's job.
Hence
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, from my point of view the numbers of males and females, independent of sex, students should be identical in every study.
On the other hand
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, most female people are not able to get an education in some scopes, especially those
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 can not hire women because of religious principles. To clarify,
such
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 religious organizations as the catholic church or obligations of the Pope.
For instance
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, some catholic universities were historically built for male groups.
Therefore
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, some professions can not be replaced
due to
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 religious attitudes and the same quantity of people and female students are not able to accept in some religious institutes.
To conclude
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, nowadays individuals hold the view that should get equal education opportunities, regardless of gender.
However
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, I believe that some subjects depend on gender
such
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 as religious institutes where
mostly
Rephrase
apply
show examples
men are prevalent rather than women.

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Task Achievement: Complete Response
Ensure that every paragraph relates to the main topic and supports the argument. Work on providing clearer and more detailed examples to support your points.
Coherence and Cohesion: Logical Structure
Improve the flow and logical connection between sentences and paragraphs. Use transition words and phrases to guide the reader through your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion: Introduction and Conclusion
Provide a clearer introduction and a more definitive conclusion. Summarize your main points and restate your position on the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender diversity
  • fostering innovation
  • educational experience
  • enforcing gender quotas
  • merit and potential
  • individual achievements
  • natural differences
  • gender equality
  • reducing gender stereotypes
  • balanced workforce
  • traditionally male-dominated or female-dominated fields
  • fluctuating applicant numbers
  • compromise on quality
  • diversity aspects
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