Some people think that art is an essential subject for children at school while others think it is a waste of time. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Some individuals believe that art is
an
substantial Change the article
a
topics
for Change the noun form
topic
children
at school
whereas
others feel that
is
is a waste of time. In my perspective, the Correct your spelling
it
curriculum
of school
should focus on useful subjects such
as,
Remove the comma
apply
science
, technology
rather than Correct word choice
and technology
arts
.
On the one hand, some argue that arts
such
as, painting, music, Correct word choice
and theater
theater
should be partChange the spelling
theatre
in
the Change preposition
of
curriculum
in school
. This
is because,
Remove the comma
apply
arts
can boosts
creativity Change the verb form
boost
at
Change preposition
in
children
. For example
, painting can make children
thinking
out of Wrong verb form
think
box
and increase their imagination. Add an article
the box
Furthermore
,researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
showed
that Wrong verb form
has shown
arts
can help to
mitigate Verb problem
apply
the
stress and help Correct article usage
apply
students
to
relax. Verb problem
apply
Therefore
, arts
can assist to increase
the performance of Change preposition
in increasing
students
in others
subjects.
Correct quantifier usage
other
On the other hand
, I would like to agree with those people who believe that the curriculum
should concentrate in
valuable topics Change preposition
on
instead
of arts
. To being
with, the Verb problem
begin
arts
does
not provide vital services to society, because Change the verb form
do
arts
only
for entertainment, and Add a missing verb
are only
then
the school
should focus to teach
Change preposition
on teaching
students
science
and technology. The
is Correct your spelling
This
due to
the fact that,
we need a lot of Remove the comma
apply
porfessional
in different fields, medicine, engineering, IT, because Correct your spelling
professional
professionals
the
society Correct article usage
apply
need
Change the verb form
needs
this
occupation in order to live better
Correct article usage
a better
live
. Replace the word
life
For instance
, when Correct article usage
the Covid-19
Covid-19
pandemic started , the medical staff Correct your spelling
COVID-19
play
a significant role Wrong verb form
played
to prevent
us Change preposition
in preventing
to get
Change preposition
from getting
this
virus, which this
indicated the importance of Correct pronoun usage
apply
educate
Change the verb form
educating
students
Change preposition
about
science
instead
of arts
.
In conclusion, In my opinion, teaching children
arts
is considered waste
of money and time, and the Add an article
a waste
curriculum
should concentrate crucial
subjects namely Change preposition
on crucial
science
, technology
, because it Correct word choice
and technology
is provide
necessary services to communities.Change the verb form
provides
Submitted by faiz3177 on
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Conclusion
Your introductory paragraph presents both views and your opinion clearly, but the conclusion is weak. It does not effectively summarize your main points and opinion. Ensure that your conclusion is strong and clearly restates your main arguments and opinion.
Supporting points
You have some supporting points for both views, but some of your arguments lack development. Make sure to elaborate on each point by providing examples, reasons, and explanations in order to fully support your claims.
Logical structure
Your essay has a logical structure, but the development of ideas is inconsistent. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that your points are developed coherently throughout the essay.
Task response
Your ideas are relevant to the topic, but the response may not fully address all aspects of the question. Ensure that you provide a balanced discussion of both views and give a clear opinion with supporting arguments.