The diagrams below show how chocolate is made and how the price of a chocolate bar is divided up among those involved in the process.

The diagrams below show how chocolate is made and how the price of a chocolate bar is divided up among those involved in the process.
The diagram illustrates the stages involved in the process of
chocolate
bar
fabrication
while
the pie chart depicts how the price of a
chocolate
bar
is split.
Overall
, the whole process has more stages from
cocoa
beans, and it is ending with the final product
chocolate
bar
or food industry, respectively. Regarding the pie chart, it can be noticed that the highest percentage of the price is distributed to the cost of ingredients
while
the smallest one goes to the farmer.
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
the first step from the diagram illustrates how raw
cocoa
is
grinded
Correct your spelling
ground
show examples
, having
as a result
cocoa
liquor and waste.
Furthermore
, it is produced industrial
chocoloate
Correct your spelling
chocolates
which is blended with
cocoa
butter and sugar, and in the end results
chocolate
bar
.
On the other hand
,
cocoa
liquor pressed has a result
cocoa
butter or powder which have other utilities. Regarding the pie chart, the costs of ingredients and supermarkets receive roughly a third of the price of the total. Ranked
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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third place are taxes with 15%
while
the revenue for the
chocolate
company is just 10%. At least, the farmer
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
receives no more than 4%.
Submitted by iftenevlad on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
Vocabulary: Replace the words chocolate, bar, cocoa with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "diagram" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "illustrates" was used 2 times.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultivation
  • harvesting
  • extraction
  • fermentation
  • drying
  • roasting
  • grinding
  • chocolate liquor
  • price distribution
  • stakeholders
  • retail price
  • environmental impact
  • social impact
  • deforestation
  • unfair labor practices
  • fair trade
  • organic farming
  • innovations
  • disease-resistant
  • sustainable production
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