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Writing Samples
Band 7

The table below gives information about the underground railway systems in six cities. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table below gives information about the underground railway systems in six cities. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The table compares data about the subway systems of six chosen regions in three different countries namely the United Kingdom, the United States, and Japan. In general, London had the initial subterranean train system and the longest line in terms of Kilometres. It is followed by Paris,
Tokyo
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, Washington, D.C.,
Kyoto
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, and Los Angeles. Meanwhile,
Tokyo
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 had the greatest number of subway passengers and
Kyoto
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 had the smallest number of metro users in a year. Looking into details, it is evident that London's subterranean railway system debuted in 1863 and had the longest trip at 394 Kilometres. It is followed by Paris in 1900 (189 Km),
Tokyo
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 in 1827 (155 km), and Washington, D.C. in 1976 (126 Km).
Furthermore
Linking Words
, even though
Kyoto
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's subway system was opened first, the line was shorter than Los Angele's underground railway which was 11000 metres and 28 metres respectively.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the popular underground railway in a year was in
Tokyo
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 city with the total number of commuters in a single year being 1927
million
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. It is followed by Paris (1191
million
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), London (775
million
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), Washington DC (144
million
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), Los Angeles (50
million
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), and
Kyoto
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 (45
million
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).
Submitted by ieltscuns2022 on

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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words tokyo, kyoto, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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