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Band 4.5

An increasing number of professionals, such as doctors and teachers, are leaving their own poorer countries to work in developed countries. What problems does this cause? What can be done to deal with this situations?

#professionals #doctors #teachers #countries #work #situations
More and more highly skilled
workers
, Like doctors and teachers, are moving out of their developing
countries
 to
work
 in rich
countries
.
this
 essay will discuss the issues that cause
this
 situation including
lacking
Wrong verb form
the lack
show examples
 of
professionals
 in poor
countries
 and the deterioration of the economy.
this
 essay will suggest some
solutions
 to solve
this
 issue including providing
professionals
 with well-paid jobs. To start with, there are many problems that happen
due to
 leaving
professionals
their
Change preposition
in their
show examples
countries
. the first is that the number of highly skilled
workers
 will reduce significantly .
For example
, in developing
countries
, people are having serious diseases because of
lacking
Wrong verb form
a lack
show examples
 of doctors and nurses.
Second,
the economy will
destroy
Wrong verb form
be destroyed
show examples
as
Change preposition
due to
show examples
 a lack of
professionals
 who are supposed to
work
 to improve
countries
.
Overall
,
this
 situation might cause a lot of problems which will have a bad effect on developing
countries
. There are many
solutions
 to get these issues fixed,
Such
 as increasing job opportunities and
also
Rephrase
apply
show examples
raising
professionals
' wages. these
solutions
 will attract highly skilled
workers
 to
work
 in their
countries
instead
 of working abroad.
For example
, in Egypt, Teachers don't
work
 overseas as they get paid very well.
To sum up
, authorities should take care of
professionals
 by providing them with
high-paid
Correct your spelling
high-paying
show examples
 jobs. In conclusion, a large number of
workers
,
such
 as doctors and teachers, prefer to
work
 in developed
countries
 to their
countries
 which ends up having negative effects on their
countries
 and their economies.
However
, the essay suggested some
solutions
 to avoid
this
 issue including increasing job opportunities and wages.
Submitted by imanmuhamed.3089 on

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task response
The essay contains relevant points but lacks in providing a comprehensive response to the task. It needs to ensure that all aspects of the question are addressed in a well-structured manner.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure is somewhat present but could be improved. The introduction and conclusion are present, but the essay lacks clear progression and organization of ideas within paragraphs.
lexical resource
The essay demonstrates an attempt at a range of vocabulary, but there is inconsistency and inaccuracy in the use of lexical resources. It is important to use words accurately and appropriately to convey precise meaning.
grammatical range
There is evidence of a range of complex structures, but there are also noticeable errors and inaccuracies in grammar and sentence construction. This affects the overall clarity and precision of the writing.

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