IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children?

#children #difference #right #age #punishment #distinction #sort #parents #teachers #behaviour
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According to
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 some, young individuals must learn to distinguish between ethical and unethical behaviour during their formative years.
Although
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 there is an agreement to impose consequences as a form of learning so that they can differentiate them, I firmly believe that
punishment
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 would be a mistake and disagree with the given statement.
Firstly
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, we must know that
children
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 do not know many things. They tend to do something because of following people around them.
Therefore
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, the
parents'
Correct your spelling
parent's
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 role is to teach by a good example.
For instance
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, teach them to borrow others' goods politely and how to respect each other or older people.
Instead
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 of forcing
children
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 to learn under the pressure of
punishment
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, it is better to set an easy-to-follow example without instilling fear in the
children
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.
In addition
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 to providing direct demonstrations, parents and teachers must educate the
children
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 about the consequences of their actions. If they do the right thing, they will earn kindness.
Conversely
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, if they do the wrong thing, they will harm themselves. Give simple illustrations
such
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 as common daily activities.
For example
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, if they teach them to throw rubbish in the right place, the
neighborhood
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neighbourhood
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 will be clean and avoid disease.
This
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 will hopefully teach
children
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 to think before they act and take responsibility for themselves. There is no doubt that sometimes
punishment
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 has a deterrent effect. Yet, we cannot guarantee whether
punishment
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 is effective or not. There are two options:
firstly
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,
punishment
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 can change the behaviour from bad to better.
Secondly
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, there is a possibility that
children
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 are depressed and keep fear in themselves.
Therefore
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, I think it would be better for us to teach them more gently in the hope that it will shape their good character in the future.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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coherence cohesion
Consider using a variety of linking words to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs, enhancing the overall cohesion of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Incorporate a wider range of sentence structures to express your ideas more dynamically, which can contribute to both coherence and the persuasive power of your arguments.
task achievement
While your stance is clear, reinforcing your argument with more nuanced examples or a broader range of perspectives might deepen your examination of the topic.
task achievement
The essay clearly presents a personal perspective, consistently arguing against the use of punishment.
task achievement
Effective use of examples to support your points, making your argument more relatable and understandable.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-defined, providing a clear framework for your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • punishment
  • positive reinforcement
  • consequences
  • time-outs
  • removal of privileges
  • open communication
  • clear expectations
  • consistency
  • fairness
  • disciplinary action
  • proportionate
  • moral values
  • internalization
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