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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The diagram below shows the floor plan of a public library 20 years ago and how it looks now. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, ad make compaiosons where relevant

The diagram below shows the floor plan of a public library 20 years ago and how it looks now. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, ad make compaiosons where relevant
#floor #plan #library #years #summarise #information #features #ad #compaiosons
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The given diagrams compare between the floor plan of a central
library
Use synonyms
 20 years ago and
central
Correct article usage
the central
show examples
library
Use synonyms
 today.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be clearly seen that the central
library
Use synonyms
 today looks more
spasious
Correct your spelling
spacious
 in the middle, and there is an
additinal
Correct your spelling
additional
 facility in today’s
library
Use synonyms
. There is an unchanged
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
entrance location and the size of
Use synonyms
library
Add an article
the library
a library
show examples
 building. Looking at the information in more detail, tables and chairs
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 located in the middle of
building
Correct article usage
the building
show examples
 two decades ago, but today those
were vanished
Change to the active voice
vanished
show examples
. Today’s
library
Use synonyms
, a children’s
books
Use synonyms
room
Use synonyms
 moved from the right top corner to
left
Correct article usage
the left
show examples
 corner of
building
Add an article
the building
a building
show examples
 where it changed into CDs and computer games;
moreover
Linking Words
, there are sofas and a section for storytelling events in the same
room
Use synonyms
.
Children’s
Correct article usage
The children’s
show examples
books
Use synonyms
room
Use synonyms
 changed into a lecturer
room
Use synonyms
. Two decades ago , there were separate rooms for adult
books
Use synonyms
 which were fiction and non-fiction, but
adult
Correct article usage
the adult
show examples
 fiction
books
Use synonyms
 section changed to a section of reference
books
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, there was an information desk and some
sel-service
Correct your spelling
self-service
 machines in
adult
Correct article usage
the adult
show examples
 fiction
books
Use synonyms
room
Use synonyms
.
Finally
Linking Words
, in the below sections,
reading
Add an article
the reading
show examples
room
Use synonyms
 was changed into a computer
room
Use synonyms
, and there is no enquire desk because its
room
Use synonyms
 changed to a cafe.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words library, books, room with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "changed" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 2 times.
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