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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some schools have restricted the use of mobile phones. Is this a positive development or a negative one?

#schools #phones #development
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Nowadays most
students
Use synonyms
 take their mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 with them to school. It is a fact that smartphones are handy in several things and can make
the
Correct article usage
apply
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Use synonyms
students
Change to a genitive case
student's
students'
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 life easier,
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whereas
Correct word choice
but
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it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 may badly impact their academic performance. On top of
that
Add a comma
,that
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 it
also
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limit
Change the verb form
limits
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 the
person
Change noun form
person's
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 social interaction, which is not good.
That is
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 the reason why I believe that
restrecting
Correct your spelling
restricting
phone
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 use in
schools
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 is a good decision. Limiting
phone
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 use in
schools
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 will improve the learning quality of pupils.
Student
Fix the agreement mistake
Students
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 will be less distracted with notifications on their
phones
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 which will make them more focused on what they are studying. It is
scientificaly
Correct your spelling
scientifically
 proven that when you check your
phone
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 you will be needing a long time to concentrate again on what you were doing. That will result in
a
Correct article usage
apply
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poor focus and a bad understanding of the subject they are having
lesson
Fix the agreement mistake
lessons
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 on, passing exams with
such
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issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
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 will be very challenging. So
that is
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 why
phone
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 restriction will be a good solution to reduce distractions during
the
Correct article usage
apply
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class time.
On the other hand
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,
phone
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restriction
Fix the agreement mistake
restrictions
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 may
also
Linking Words
 help the
students
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 to have a better social life. When
students
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 are scrolling
in
Change preposition
on
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 their
phones
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 they mostly neglect the
persons
Replace the word
people
show examples
 around them or even do not notice them,
due to
Linking Words
 that they will have no social interaction,
it
Correct word choice
and it
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 will
also
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 be hard to build relationships with
the
Correct article usage
apply
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others. That will affect the
Use synonyms
students
Change noun form
student's
students'
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 daily
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
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,
bacause
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because
 they may end up lonely with no friendships which may lead to depression in the end. So
controling
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controlling
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
phone
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 use may prevent
unware
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unaware
show examples
 scholars from ending up in a bad way.
Smart
Correct your spelling
Smartphone
show examples
phone
Use synonyms
 usage in
schools
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 has many consequences,
for instance
Linking Words
, bad development. That can be avoided by taking action and
adapting
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adopting
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 a manner that can keep
students
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 away from their
Use synonyms
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
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. Unless the
schools
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 can control the time spent on
phones
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, scholars will have to put more energy
Change preposition
into succeding
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succeding
Correct your spelling
succeeding
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 in their academic
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
show examples
.
Submitted by shahryar.kazerooni on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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