IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that it is a good thing for senior positions to have much higher salaries than other workers in a company. Do you agree or disagree?

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Since the famous companies became known to the general public in the early 1995s,they became important facilities. Today , even junior positions get good salaries in their company. Some believe that having much higher pay for senior positions is a good thing. Others,
however
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, disagree with
this
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 idea and think all workers should take equal fee as well. In
this
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 essay, I will examine these two views and will give my personal opinion. On the one hand,it is a good thing,of course, to get a much higher wage.Because somebody has two years of experience and somebody has just a half year of experience. And these 2 types of people should not get the same emolument.
For example
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, my dad takes six million without any rewards.He is an organizer.
However
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, other workers take less than six million. It is correct because my dad has four years of experience.
On the other hand
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, those in favour of equal income have a valid reason,because Of the society layer everybody's condition is different. When every time only the administrator or art boss gets a lot of stipends and others get 2 times or 3 times less than a manager, they feel poor.
That is
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 to say in junior positions people whose life conditions are difficult and full of issues. They are demotivated from life after seeing that their producer gets much higher cash. There are people who altered
this
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 situation does conclusions and actions To summarize what has been so far I am for taking much higher salaries than other workers because it
also
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 depends on age.When you are older, you have more payroll,of course. And my advice is we should now study if we do not want to get a small earnings.For girls, it is a common thing but for boys, it is shameless,because they should look after their family.
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,I think between salaries there should be no a big difference and
then
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 it would be an honest solution

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task achievement
Your introduction is clear in stating the two views, but it could be more engaging to draw the reader in better. Consider rephrasing for added clarity.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks smooth transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Try using linking words and phrases to enhance the flow.
task achievement
Your examples can be more detailed and relevant. Using clearer and more relatable examples could strengthen your argument significantly.
task achievement
You present both sides of the argument fairly, showing an understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The structure is clear, with a distinct introduction, body, and conclusion.
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