IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

some schools have restricted the use of mobile phones. Is this a positive development or a negative one?

#schools #phones #development
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, most
students
Use synonyms
 take their mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 with them to school. It is a fact that smartphones are handy for several things and can make the student's life easier,
whereas
Linking Words
 it may badly impact their academic performance. On top of that, it
also
Linking Words
 limits the
person
Change noun form
person's
show examples
 social interaction, which is not good.
That is
Linking Words
 the reason why I believe that restricting
phone
Use synonyms
 use in
schools
Use synonyms
 is a good decision. Limiting
phone
Use synonyms
 use in
schools
Use synonyms
 will improve the learning quality of pupils. The student will be less distracted
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 notifications on their
phones
Use synonyms
, which will make them more focused on what they are studying. It is scientifically proven that when you check your
phone
Use synonyms
, you will be needing a long time to concentrate again on what you were doing. That will result in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
poor focus and a bad understanding of the subject they are having
lesson
Fix the agreement mistake
lessons
show examples
 on, passing exams with
such
Linking Words
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
 will be very challenging. So
that is
Linking Words
 why
phone
Use synonyms
 restriction will be a good solution to reduce distractions during
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
class time.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
phone
Use synonyms
restriction
Fix the agreement mistake
restrictions
show examples
 may
also
Linking Words
 help the
students
Use synonyms
 to have a better social life. When
students
Use synonyms
 are scrolling
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their
phones
Use synonyms
 they mostly neglect the
persons
Replace the word
people
show examples
 around them or even do not notice them,
due to
Linking Words
 that they will have no social interaction,
it
Correct word choice
and it
show examples
 will
also
Linking Words
 be hard to build relationships with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others. That will affect the
Use synonyms
students
Change noun form
student's
students'
show examples
 daily lives, because they may end up lonely with no friendships, which may lead to depression in the end. So controlling
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
phone
Use synonyms
 use may prevent unaware scholars from ending up in a bad way. Smartphone usage in
schools
Use synonyms
 has many consequences,
for instance
Linking Words
, bad development. That can be avoided by taking action and
adapting
Correct your spelling
adopting
show examples
 a manner that can keep
students
Use synonyms
 away from their
Use synonyms
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
. Unless the
schools
Use synonyms
 can control the time spent on
phones
Use synonyms
, scholars will have to put more energy
succeeding
Change preposition
into succeeding
show examples
 in their academic lives.
Submitted by shahryar.kazerooni on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: