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Writing Samples
Band 4

In some countries, citizens are allowed to keep a gun in their home. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #citizens #gun #home #outweigh
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In some nations, citizens are allowed to have a weapon in their
house
Fix the agreement mistake
houses
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. In my opinion, the merits of
allow
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allowing
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people
Use synonyms
 to have
guns
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 outweigh the demerits. On the one hand, there are several drawbacks of
allow
Change the verb form
allowing
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 individuals to
having
Wrong verb form
have their
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 own
guns
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
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, if
the
Remove the article
apply
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every
families
Change to a singular noun
family
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 have their own firearms
this
Linking Words
 can
leads
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lead
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 to
promot
Correct your spelling
promote
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
violence in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
scoiety
Correct your spelling
society
.
This
Linking Words
 is because
people
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 are more likely to
use
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 their
guns
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 in any
conflicts
Fix the agreement mistake
conflict
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, if
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
any problems occur between friends they are more likely to
use
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 their
guns
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 in order to solve
this
Linking Words
 conflict.
Secondly
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,
make
Wrong verb form
making
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use
Use synonyms
 the
guns
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 legal can increase the number of
suicide
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suicides
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 in
community
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the community
show examples
. To illustrate, some
people
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 struggle with mental issues
such
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 as
,
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apply
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 depression,
Correct word choice
and axciety
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axciety
Correct your spelling
anxiety
, and
then
Linking Words
 maybe they
use
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 weapons to end their
live
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lives
show examples
.
On the other hand
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, I would like to argue that
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
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 of
allow
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allowing
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 individuals to own their firearms significantly more than
downsides
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the downsides
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. The first advantage,
allow
Wrong verb form
allowing
show examples
 citizens to
owning
Wrong verb form
own
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 their
guns
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 is the effective way to reduce the rate of crime.
This
Linking Words
 is
due to
Linking Words
 the fact
the
Correct your spelling
that
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,
guns
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 allow
people
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 to
defence
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defend
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about
Change preposition
apply
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themselves against criminals, which
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
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 offenders think twice before
commit
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committing
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crime
Add an article
a crime
the crime
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. The second advantage, weapons companies can earn a lot of profits
through
Change preposition
by
show examples
 selling
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
guns
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 to
people
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 can
boosts
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boost
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 the economy of
country
Add an article
the country
a country
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,
becuae
Correct your spelling
because
 the
governments
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government
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 can earn more taxes from
Use synonyms
guns
Change the noun form
gun
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 companies.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
Correct article usage
the
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weapons industry can create
thousand
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thousands
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jobs
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of jobs
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opportunity
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opportunities
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 and income for local
people
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, thousands of employees will work in factories for
production
Add an article
the production
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 of
weapns
Correct your spelling
weapons
, and
then
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
improve
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improves
show examples
 the living standards of
people
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, in my perspective, the upsides of making
legal
Correct pronoun usage
it legal
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 for individuals to have their own
guns
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 outperform the downsides, because firearms can
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use
Wrong verb form
be used
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 for deterration
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
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 and contribute to the
enhance
Change the verb form
enhanced
show examples
 economy of
country
Add an article
the country
a country
show examples
.
Submitted by faiz3177 on

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task response
Task Response: The essay addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of allowing citizens to have guns. However, the ideas need to be more developed and the arguments should be presented more clearly.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion, resulting in a disjointed structure. Additionally, the ideas are not effectively connected, leading to a lack of coherence and cohesion. More transitional phrases and a better overall structure would greatly improve this.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • self-defense
  • personal security
  • deterrent
  • cultural significance
  • recreational use
  • unintentional injuries
  • arms race
  • domestic violence
  • lethal
  • criminal underworld
  • strict gun laws
  • safety training
  • psychological impact
  • empowerment
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