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Writing Samples
Band 6

The chart below shows how frequently people in the USA ate in fast food restaurants between 2003 and 2013.

The chart below shows how frequently people in the USA ate in fast food restaurants between 2003 and 2013.
#people #usa #food #restaurants
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The presented chart describes the comparison of
restaurant
Use synonyms
-going
people
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 who were habituated to eating
food
Use synonyms
 outside of the home between 2003 and 2013.
Overall
Linking Words
, in the
year
Use synonyms
 ,2003 every day only 4.5%
Use synonyms
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
 went for fast
food
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, in the
year
Use synonyms
 2006 and
also
Linking Words
 in the
year
Use synonyms
 2013 the
rate
Use synonyms
 decreased to 3%. Here come the
people
Use synonyms
 who were in the
restaurant
Use synonyms
 several times a week. In 2003 17% of
people
Use synonyms
 ate outside
food
Use synonyms
.
Whereas
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 percentage
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
fell by 2.5% in the
year
Use synonyms
 2013.
In addition
Linking Words
, once a week those who had
restaurant
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food
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 in the
year
Use synonyms
 2013
Add a missing verb
were
show examples
31% in
rate
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
rate
Use synonyms
 increased by 2% in 2006 and down to 27% by 2013. More, the number of
people
Use synonyms
 who were in the
restaurant
Use synonyms
 once or twice a month in the
year
Use synonyms
 2003
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 30%.
Although
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
rate
Use synonyms
 has downward in the
year
Use synonyms
 2006 and rise again in the
year
Use synonyms
 2013 by 8%. A few times in a
year
Use synonyms
,
people
Use synonyms
 who went for outside
food
Use synonyms
 in the
year
Use synonyms
 2003 the percentage was 12.5% and it increased to 15% by 2006 and remain content till 2013.
Finally
Linking Words
, for those who had never been to a
restaurant
Use synonyms
 in the
year
Use synonyms
2003
Add a comma
,2003
show examples
 the
rate
Use synonyms
 was 5% and decreased by 1% in the
year
Use synonyms
 2006 and remain the same in the
year
Use synonyms
 2013.
Submitted by kaynath87 on

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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words people, food, year, rate, restaurant with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "remain" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Fast food consumption
  • Frequency
  • Dining trends
  • Demographic factors
  • Peak periods
  • Downward/upward trend
  • Lifestyle choices
  • Nutritional awareness
  • Economic impact
  • Health implications
  • Convenience foods
  • Eating habits
  • Statistical evidence
  • Year-over-year comparison
  • Fluctuation
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