The chart below shows how frequently people in the USA ate in fast food restaurants between 2003 and 2013.

The chart below shows how frequently people in the USA ate in fast food restaurants between 2003 and 2013.
The presented chart describes the comparison of
restaurant
-going
people
who were habituated to eating
food
outside of the home between 2003 and 2013.
Overall
, in the
year
,2003 every day only 4.5%
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
went for fast
food
.
However
, in the
year
2006 and
also
in the
year
2013 the
rate
decreased to 3%. Here come the
people
who were in the
restaurant
several times a week. In 2003 17% of
people
ate outside
food
.
Whereas
this
percentage
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
fell by 2.5% in the
year
2013.
In addition
, once a week those who had
restaurant
food
in the
year
2013
Add a missing verb
were
show examples
31% in
rate
.
This
rate
increased by 2% in 2006 and down to 27% by 2013. More, the number of
people
who were in the
restaurant
once or twice a month in the
year
2003
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
30%.
Although
this
rate
has downward in the
year
2006 and rise again in the
year
2013 by 8%. A few times in a
year
,
people
who went for outside
food
in the
year
2003 the percentage was 12.5% and it increased to 15% by 2006 and remain content till 2013.
Finally
, for those who had never been to a
restaurant
in the
year
2003
Add a comma
,2003
show examples
the
rate
was 5% and decreased by 1% in the
year
2006 and remain the same in the
year
2013.
Submitted by kaynath87 on

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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
Vocabulary: Replace the words people, food, year, rate, restaurant with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "remain" was used 2 times.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Fast food consumption
  • Frequency
  • Dining trends
  • Demographic factors
  • Peak periods
  • Downward/upward trend
  • Lifestyle choices
  • Nutritional awareness
  • Economic impact
  • Health implications
  • Convenience foods
  • Eating habits
  • Statistical evidence
  • Year-over-year comparison
  • Fluctuation
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