IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that the best way to solve the problem of poverty in many countries is to set up businesses and improve trade links with rich countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree? What other measures do you think might be effective?

#people #poverty #countries #businesses #trade #links #measures
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Poverty
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 has become a problem that impacts most developing
countries
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. Some argue that the best way to solve
this
Linking Words
 problem is by creating
businesses
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 with developed
countries
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.
Although
Linking Words
 it is true that new
businesses
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 can
give
Verb problem
have
show examples
 a positive impact on the economic level of one's country, I do believe there are other solutions that we can do in order to reduce
poverty
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. Increasing trade,
such
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 as import and export,
along with
Linking Words
 setting up
businesses
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 between
countries
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 indeed would decrease the unemployment number, which means that more people will be receiving salaries in the future and eventually decrease the
poverty
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 level of the country.
For example
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, a company that was established in Papua between Indonesia and the USA provides a job for almost 20% of the population.
However
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, economics is not always the main cause of
poverty
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, other aspects
such
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 as health and
education
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also
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 play an important contribution to
poverty
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 solutions. I believe that by providing free basic
education
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 (i.e., from elementary to high school) and holistic health services, people would be less likely to fall into a needy condition.
For example
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, Germany provides free
education
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 for all of their students, and by doing that, the percentage of unemployment is decreased to less than 25%. In order to do that, the government needs to understand that
education
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 and physical condition
also
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 can help to decline the neediness.
To conclude
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, even though the level of
poverty
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 can be decreased by creating
businesses
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 in rich
countries
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, it is not the best solution available. Other aspects
such
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 as health and
education
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 need to obtain the same amount of attention from the government in eradicating
poverty
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.
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task response
Ensure that the introduction clearly presents your position on the issue. The conclusion should effectively summarize your main points and restate your position.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is clear, but consider using more linking words and cohesive devices to improve coherence and cohesion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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