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Writing Samples
Band 7

The two pie charts below show the marital status of the populations of Canada and Australia.

The two pie charts below show the marital status of the populations of Canada and Australia.
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The two pie charts illustrate marital status in two different
countries
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,
Canada
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 and
Australia
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 respectively.
Overall
Linking Words
, the Marital status of both
countries
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 was quite similar
while
Linking Words
 people who were separated but did not divorce was the most common feature in
Canada
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 and
Australia
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 with the divorced community at their lowest in these two
countries
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. In both Regions, The highest and second highest marital status are those who don't live together but are not divorced and in the population who are married their proportion is almost the same. Around 53% of the crowd in
Canada
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 are separated but not divorced more than
Australia
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 around 41%. Followed by 46% of the people who are married in
Australia
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 and 29% in
Canada
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. In the meantime, the number of divorced and widowed individuals in both
countries
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 has a marginal difference. 1% of Canadians are divorced,
while
Linking Words
Australia
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 has 2%. As for widows, there are 7% in
Canada
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 and 6% in
Australia
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. 7% of
Canada
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's community is Single and has never been married, on the other ,hand
Australia
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 has around 5%. Another noteworthy point is that there are 3% of Canadian flocks are involved in same-sex marriage
while
Linking Words
Australia
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 has none.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words countries, canada, australia with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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