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Band 6

social media is becoming increasingly popular among all age groups. However, sharing personal information on social media websites does have risks. Do you think that the advantage of social media outweight the disadvange?

#media #age #groups #information #websites #risks #advantage #outweight #disadvange
In the modern era, social media is getting more and more familiar with all age groups, but there are some risks in posting personal information online. Personally, the disadvantage outweighs the advantage and reasons will be taken into account in
this
 essay. There are two main benefits when sharing private data on the Internet.
Firstly
, people who you just
meet
Wrong verb form
met
show examples
 can have information to know you better.
This
 originates from the fact that personal clues can be used to know a person more and build relationships among friends.
For instance
, the profile on Facebook or Instagram can be used to understand an individual's personality, so the conversation can be much more interesting and funnier.
Finally
, some occupations acquire sharing personal instruction on social publishing to make money. Influencers and celebrities show their followers their private
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 and the Internet makes
this
 happen easier and more
efficient
Change the word
efficiently
show examples
.
For example
, famous citizens post or upload their daily
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 or special events online to attract their fans, so they can earn their living from advertising or selling products. But there are
also
 some serious drawbacks related to
this
 situation.
Initially
, the hacker uses personal info to steal money by accessing a bank account.
This
 results from the truth that individuals tend to use the material which is familiar to them to create financial accounts.
This
 helps hackers easily find out the password to access and transfer the victim's balance to their own account.
Lastly
, there is a new type of criminal which is called an identity thief. They collect data from social media platforms or public websites to do illegal activities.
For instance
, they access your Facebook and messaging to your relatives, so they pretend to be you and borrow money from your friends. In conclusion, the drawback of sharing credential information on social media outweighs the benefit.
Submitted by khoitvhe130007 on

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introduction conclusion present
Ensure a clear introduction that presents the topic succinctly and outlines the essay structure. Avoid lengthy introductions that do not directly address the question.
supported main points
Develop paragraphs with clear topic sentences, and support the main points with well-elaborated examples and explanations. Use linking words effectively to aid coherence.
complete response
Always address the task directly and maintain a clear position throughout the response. Be sure to respond to all parts of the task to achieve full task achievement.
logical structure
Present ideas clearly and avoid unnecessary complexity in sentence structures. Ensure paragraphs flow logically from one to the next.
clear comprehensive ideas
Enhance clarity by breaking down complex ideas into comprehensive statements. Strive for precision and conciseness in language use.
relevant specific examples
Draw on a range of relevant, specific examples that clearly back up the arguments. Use examples that are directly related to the main point of each paragraph.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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