IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that the government is responsible for looking after the elderly. Others believe that it should be family members. Who do you think should take responsibility?

#people #government #members #responsibility
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While
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 it is believed by some that old communities should be looked after by the government, others argue that it is the
responsibility
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 of their
families
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. I believe that both laws and
families
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 are responsible for taking a load of the elderly. On the one hand, it is argued that politicians should be responsible for looking after senior nations. The main reason is that they were once young crowds who worked and paid their taxes. It is
also
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 possible to say that part of their taxes should be paid back to them as d when they grow old since many
families
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 cannot save money during their lives. One good illustration of
this
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 is the elderly who
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 sacrificed their passions and health for a high-quality company or good business.
Secondly
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, not all old
people
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 have family shows to take a load of them.
This
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 can be exemplified by societies who decide to stay single without creating their own family nowadays or those whose family meetings might have passed away or travelled to other countries. In
this
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 case, if rules did not look after their older citizens,
then
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 they might become homeless and die on the streets in the densely populated country.
On the other hand
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, it is strongly believed by others that taking concern for the elderly is the
responsibility
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 of their family meetings. Crowds often have
this
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 opinion because
families
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 who have grown old were once young parents who took care of their children and,
consequently
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, their clans should do their best to support them when they grow old
instead
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 of leaving them in nursing homes.
Additionally
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, it breaks old
people
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’s hearts when their
people
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 neglect them in their old age.
For instance
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, many
people
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 start a family in order to find support and love when they grow old and they would be heartbroken and abandoned when their folks refuse to look after them. In conclusion, tribes must take
responsibility
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 for their elders and support them
as well as
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 governments since not all old
people
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 have
families
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 to look after them. Personally, I tend to believe that both ministries and family meetings should be more responsible for helping and taking
responsibility
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 for the senior public.
Submitted by yeshomeclass on

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task response
The essay addresses the prompt but lacks clear and comprehensive ideas. The examples provided are relevant but need further development and specificity to fully support the main points. Make sure to fully address the prompt and provide more detailed examples.
coherence and cohesion
The essay demonstrates a logical structure and adequately introduces and concludes the main points. However, some ideas are not fully developed and need more cohesive linking. Work on providing more effective and varied linking words and sentence structures to improve coherence and cohesion.
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