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Band 5.5

some people say that the main environmental problem our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #time #loss #species #plants #animals
The issue regarding the environment has increased nowadays. Some people hold the opinion that the extinction of special
species
 causes
this
 problem.
However
, some individuals believe that other major contributors should be considered. Both perspectives have logical reasons which I will explain in the following paragraphs. On the one hand,
species
 have become extinct
due to
 many factors
such
 as human intervention and natural disasters which
disturbed
Wrong verb form
disturb
show examples
 the cycle of the ecosystem, and
following
this
, a lack of source of food will become a severe risk for other
species
. Animals and plants feed each other. If one
species
 will become extinct, the balance of the ecosystem will be disturbed.
For instance
, If the bees face a lack of nectar because of the loss of flowers to feed, all the animals or even humans can hurt.
On the other hand
, some people contend that other natural disasters are contributed
such
 as floods or earthquakes which bring disastrous problems to natural habitats. These natural disasters threaten all
species
 in the world which can increase the potential risk of loss of inhabitants. In conclusion, some people believe that the loss of fauna and flora is a major problem for the environment.
However
, others considered other items including floods and earthquakes more important. I firmly conviction that the extinction of
species
 can disturb the balance of the ecosystem which can be a major problem for the environment
Submitted by minaanazifi on

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coherence cohesion
The logical structure is generally clear, with some minor inconsistencies.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are sufficiently present, aiding the overall coherence of the essay.
coherence cohesion
The main points are generally well supported and relevant to the topic.
task achievement
The response provides a mostly complete answer to the question, but some points lack clarity and depth.
task achievement
The essay presents clear and comprehensive ideas, but some of the examples lack relevance to the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • extinction
  • habitat loss
  • ecosystem
  • food chain
  • imbalance
  • interconnected
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • personal actions
  • policy changes
  • education
  • awareness
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