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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Many people nowadays live in societies where consumer goods are relatively cheap. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #societies #consumer #goods #outweigh
Opinions are divided on whether it is more beneficial or detrimental when
consumer
 goods are economical to purchase in the
society
people
 live in nowadays.
This
 essay will think that the positive effects could be overshadowed by the disadvantages. One of the main
benefit
Change to a plural noun
benefits
show examples
 of purchasing goods
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 economical
prices
 is globalisation. The lower
prices
 could admit the large
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
buying consumption which built a better environment and develop the inclination. Perhaps,
low-income
Correct article usage
the low-income
show examples
people
 group has many positive effects from the trend,
due to
 they can buy a lot of
consumer
 goods which had expensive costs in the past. The popularity of cheap products could encourage the development of
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
consumerism and a
consumerisis
Correct your spelling
consumerist
consumerists
consumerism
society
 where jobs are created with more tax revenues.
For instance
, China is one of the developed manufacturing
industry
Fix the agreement mistake
industries
show examples
 which alleviated poverty for million
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
.
Nevertheless
, I am of the view that the drawback impacts of
this
 social movement on over-purchasing and ecological damage.
Firstly
,
due to
 their
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
prices
, the
consumerisis
Correct your spelling
consumerist
consumerists
consumerism
society
tend
Change the verb form
tends
show examples
 to encourage
consumer
Add an article
the consumer
a consumer
show examples
 to spend rather than
savings
Replace the word
save
show examples
 - the root of extravagant consumption, continue with problems of personal finance, especially credit debt. In
facts
Fix the agreement mistake
fact
show examples
, there are many
people
,
due to
 the cheaper
prices
,
purchased
Correct pronoun usage
who purchased
show examples
unneccessary
Correct your spelling
unnecessary
 beyond their demands to show off or replace
another useful products
Replace the adjective
another useful product
other useful products
show examples
, and
this
 could contribute to a "throw-away
society
".
Secondly
, mass production could be related to
over-excavation
Correct article usage
the over-excavation
show examples
natural
Change preposition
of natural
show examples
 resources,
this
 is leading to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 huge of waste and
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
 carbon footprint. All of the ecological damage could
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
economic benefits
unsustainability
Correct word choice
and unsustainability
show examples
. In conclusion,
although
 the rising availability of low-priced
consumer
 products could generate certain favourable impacts, I hold the belief that these could be far less important than the consequences associated.
Submitted by hangry.ng11 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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