Some people believe that music should be taught in schools, while others think that it is best to focus on computer and science. Discuss both views and your opinion.

#people #music #schools #focus #computer #science

There has been

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significant growth in the technology and science sector. A group of individual claims that students should be trained in the

music

field in learning institutions,

while

another community prefer to push students to learn computer and science. In my opinion, learning coding and research skill will definitely help the youth to secure their future rather than learning

music

. In these looming paragraphs, I will discuss both aspects. In

this

decade, technology and artificial intelligence are significantly growing,

even

Correct word choice

and even

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most of the manual jobs are

also

now replaced by AI.

Moreover

, most of the multinational companies have laid off thousands of

people

. Recently, the CEO of Google

also

said that more than 90% of the jobs will be replaced by computers and science.

Thus

, if the youth will focus more on programming skills and research,

then

the probability of success will be drastically higher than learning

music

However

music

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unique skill which cannot be learned by an individual. It helps in maintaining focus in life and makes

people

stress-free. Nowadays,

people

are in stress

due to

their hectic work life of corporate, and love to

listen

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tolisten

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live

music

, so if students at an early age are taught about

music

then

they will help an excessive number of

people

from stress.

Thus

, focusing on skills which always give a person an advantage to be different from others is really beneficial. In a nutshell, each aspect has its pros and cons.

Although

it is important for schools to promote

music

in student's life, I believe that it is even more important for each individual to focus on technology and research because these are the only two fields which will help them to secure their future.

Submitted by gsmultani506 on Sun Jul 02 2023

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

288 words

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people believe that music should be taught in schools, while others think that it is best to focus on computer and science. Discuss both views and your opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Today our communications, medicine and transport systems all depend on computer technology. Our reliance on computer technology in these fields has created a dangerous situation. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Today, majority of children are raised by their grandparents due to the fact that their parents are busy working. To what extent do you think that it affects the whole family?

Many believe that young people should spend more of their time with their family instead of other entertainment. Do you agree or disagree?

In many cities, many people are living in large apartment blocks. Does this accommodation have more advantages or disadvantages?

Some people believe that watching big events like sports and the Olympics on TV encourage adults to exercise regularly. While others disagree that there are other effective ways of getting them to exercise. Discuss both views and give your opinion.