Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people pf different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this?

It is often thought that
music
is one of the most crucial ways, which
supports
Wrong verb form
support
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the unification of
people
even though they have various customs, habits, ages, or are from different places around the world. In
this
essay, we will discuss
this
topic, and I completely agree with
this
view. At the outset, humankind generally considers
music
as one of the most important tools of enjoyment, because if anybody experiences stressful conditions or anxiety, he will listen to
music
, as; it provides him with a good feeling of relaxation.
Hence
, some psychiatric doctors advise their patients to listen to it, particularly in case of being worried,
therefore
; their mood will improve.
In addition
to that, when
people
listen to
music
daily,
this
good behaviour will keep them away from psychological diseases.
Moreover
, if the mood of the employees is good because of listening to
music
, they will work hard, and the economic status of the country will improve.
However
,
people
from different countries, and speak other languages, but all of them like
music
, and use it for the same purposes.
For example
, if anyone travels to a foreign country for tourism, he will find a lot of
music
concerts, and
then
he will buy a ticket to attend
this
music
festival.
Firstly
,
although
there are different types of
music
,
for instance
, Arabic, American, Indian, or British, all of them are attractive.
Secondly
, if we search about the attitudes of the population, we will be amazed, because some Indian folk prefer to listen to Arabic
music
,
while
as, some Arab humankind like to hear Indian
music
. In conclusion,
music
has lots of global positive consequences, especially because it makes the mood of humans better, and it can be used as a therapy to treat some illnesses.
Thus
, I believe that
music
can unify
people
all over the world because all of them obtain the same advantages
as a result
of listening to it.
Submitted by sm710129 on

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Task Response
The essay effectively discusses the topic and provides arguments to support the agreement with the statement. Make sure to address any potential opposing views as well for a more balanced argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion. The ideas are effectively presented and connected throughout the essay. Consider using transition words to enhance the coherence even further.
Task Response
Clear stance on the topic and supporting arguments
Coherence and Cohesion
Effective introduction and conclusion
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