Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people pf different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this?

#people #music #pf #cultures #ages

It is often thought that

music

is one of the most crucial ways, which

supports

Wrong verb form

support

show examples

the unification of

people

even though they have various customs, habits, ages, or are from different places around the world. In

this

essay, we will discuss

this

topic, and I completely agree with

this

view. At the outset, humankind generally considers

music

as one of the most important tools of enjoyment, because if anybody experiences stressful conditions or anxiety, he will listen to

music

, as; it provides him with a good feeling of relaxation.

Hence

, some psychiatric doctors advise their patients to listen to it, particularly in case of being worried,

therefore

; their mood will improve.

In addition

to that, when

people

listen to

music

daily,

this

good behaviour will keep them away from psychological diseases.

Moreover

, if the mood of the employees is good because of listening to

music

, they will work hard, and the economic status of the country will improve.

However

people

from different countries, and speak other languages, but all of them like

music

, and use it for the same purposes.

For example

, if anyone travels to a foreign country for tourism, he will find a lot of

music

concerts, and

then

he will buy a ticket to attend

this

music

festival.

Firstly

although

there are different types of

music

for instance

, Arabic, American, Indian, or British, all of them are attractive.

Secondly

, if we search about the attitudes of the population, we will be amazed, because some Indian folk prefer to listen to Arabic

music

while

as, some Arab humankind like to hear Indian

music

. In conclusion,

music

has lots of global positive consequences, especially because it makes the mood of humans better, and it can be used as a therapy to treat some illnesses.

Thus

, I believe that

music

can unify

people

all over the world because all of them obtain the same advantages

as a result

of listening to it.

Submitted by sm710129 on Mon Jul 03 2023

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Task Response

The essay effectively discusses the topic and provides arguments to support the agreement with the statement. Make sure to address any potential opposing views as well for a more balanced argument.

Coherence and Cohesion

The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion. The ideas are effectively presented and connected throughout the essay. Consider using transition words to enhance the coherence even further.

Task Response

Clear stance on the topic and supporting arguments

Coherence and Cohesion

Effective introduction and conclusion

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15Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

322 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people pf different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this?

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