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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph below compares the number of British people commuting to work by car, bus or train everyday from 1970 to 2030.

The line graph below compares the number of British people commuting to work by car, bus or train everyday from 1970 to 2030.
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The line graph below compares the number of British people commuting to work by
car
Use synonyms
,
bus
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 or
train
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everyday
Replace the word
every day
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 from 1970 to 2030.
Overall
Linking Words
, the proportion of
car
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 and
bus
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 commuters has witnessed an upward trend
while
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 figure for
Use synonyms
bus
Fix the agreement mistake
buses
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 has experienced a slight drop
at the end
Linking Words
 of the period.
It is clear that
Linking Words
car
Use synonyms
travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
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 have accounted for the highest number throughout the years. In 1970, citizens
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
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 by
car
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 began at nearly five
million
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 which is followed by
bus
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 and
train
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 passengers at around four and two
million
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 respectively. In the next 44 years, in 2014, the proportion of UK people driving to work observed a constant growth after
leveling
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levelling
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 out at seven
million
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.
While
Linking Words
 the number of residents going to work by
train
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 increased significantly, the reverse pattern was seen in
bus
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 users. By 2030, it is anticipated that
car
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 drivers will reach
the
Correct article usage
a
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 peak of nine
million
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 and
this
Linking Words
 figure for
Use synonyms
train
Fix the agreement mistake
trains
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 is foreseen to continue climbing considerably to approximately 4.5
million
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.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the use of
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bus
Fix the agreement mistake
buses
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 is predicted to decline gradually to about 3
million
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words car, bus, train, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "compares" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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