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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The given table compares the salaries of secondary teachers in five countries in 2009.

The given table compares the salaries of secondary teachers in five countries in 2009.
#salaries #teachers #five #countries
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The given table compares the salaries of secondary
teachers
Use synonyms
 in five countries in 2009.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
teachers
Use synonyms
 from Luxembourg were the most well-paid,
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
teachers
Use synonyms
 from Australia were the lowest-paid.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the Denmark
teachers
Use synonyms
 earned the amount of time to receive the maximum salary which was much faster than other countries. Secondary
teachers
Use synonyms
 in Australia and Denmark spend less than 10
years
Use synonyms
 receiving
maximum
Add an article
a maximum
the maximum
show examples
 salary.
At
Change the preposition
In
show examples
 the beginning, the figure for
teachers
Use synonyms
 from Australia
from
Add a missing verb
was from
show examples
 28,000
Use synonyms
dollar
Change to a plural noun
dollars
show examples
 to 48,000
Use synonyms
dollar
Change to a plural noun
dollars
show examples
 after 9
years
Use synonyms
. Meanwhile, the salaries of Denmark
teachers
Use synonyms
 from 45,000
Use synonyms
dollar
Change to a plural noun
dollars
show examples
from
Change preposition
to
show examples
 54,000
Use synonyms
dollar
Change to a plural noun
dollars
show examples
 after 8
years
Use synonyms
. It took
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
 in Luxembourg, Japan and Korea at least 30
years
Use synonyms
 to receive the maximum salary.
First,
Linking Words
the salaries of Luxembourg secondary
teachers
Use synonyms
 accounted
from
Change preposition
for from
show examples
 80,000
Use synonyms
dollar
Change to a plural noun
dollars
show examples
 to 132,000
Use synonyms
dollar
Change to a plural noun
dollars
show examples
 in the period of 30
years
Use synonyms
.
Second,
Linking Words
the figure for
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
 from Japan from 34,000
Use synonyms
dollar
Change to a plural noun
dollars
show examples
 to 86,000
Use synonyms
dollar
Change to a plural noun
dollars
show examples
 after 37
years
Use synonyms
.
Finally
Linking Words
, the
Korea
Correct your spelling
Korean
show examples
teachers
Use synonyms
 with 34
years
Use synonyms
experience
Change preposition
of experience
show examples
 were paid
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
62,000
Use synonyms
dollar
Change to a plural noun
dollars
show examples
.
Submitted by joyce.ta213 on

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words teachers, years, dollar with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "give" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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