IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Playing computer games is a waste of time. Children should not be allowed to play them. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

In the modern world, it is widely believed that
children
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 are wasting their
time
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by
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apply
show examples
playing
computer
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games
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. I completely disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 I will be discussing the reasons behind my choice in the following paragraphs First and foremost,
computer
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games
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 foster the acquisition of invaluable skills. What is more is that they can even apply all the things they have learnt from video
games
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 to real life.
For instance
Linking Words
, playing
MMORPG type
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MMORPG-type
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of
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apply
show examples
games
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 can teach you the importance of patience and perseverance as you have to save up resources and wait for the perfect
time
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 to spend them in order to make progress.
As a result
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,
children
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 are able to manage their money reasonably and plan their expenditures, which will help them greatly in the future.
Secondly
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, playing
computer
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games
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 is
also
Linking Words
 an effective way to relieve stress. After a tiring day at school, students can log into their favourite
games
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 to get relaxation and even joy when they achieve something remarkable there.
Besides
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, through
games
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,
children
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 have a chance to develop new relationships with people. My experience is a notable example of
this
Linking Words
. When I was a secondary student, I used to play an online game called Roblox. At that
time
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, I was lucky enough to find a player
whom
Correct word order
with whom
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 I had a lot in common with and we eventually became close friends in reality. In conclusion,
computer
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games
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 are not a waste of
time
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 because
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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holds
Correct subject-verb agreement
hold
show examples
 numerous benefits for
children
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I think they should be allowed to play
games
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.

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structure
Plan your writing. Put one main idea in one paragraph and end with a short link to the next idea.
lexical resource
Use simple words. Do not use hard words that may be not in the top 100 easy words.
content
Give more clear facts or steps. Show how a game can help work or life in a clear, simple way.
grammar
Check small grammar and making, like verb form and article use, to make it easy to read.
task response
The writer takes a clear side against the idea that games are a waste.
coherence
There are examples from life to back up the point.
cohesion
Paragraph plan with intro, two body parts, and a short end.
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