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Writing Samples
Band 6

Nowadays, more and more people decide to have children later in their life. What are the reasons Do the advantages of this outweigh disadvantages

#people #children #life #outweigh
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In recent
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
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, increasingly individuals decide to have
children
Use synonyms
 after
long
Add an article
a long
show examples
 period after
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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marriage. There are several reasons why people prefer to have
children
Use synonyms
 later in their
life
Use synonyms
 In my opinion the demerits of
this
Linking Words
 trend outweigh the merits. Regarding reasons, the primary reason
couples
Use synonyms
 prefer to have
first
Correct pronoun usage
their first
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children
Use synonyms
 after
Linking Words
while
Add an article
a while
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 is they looking for financial stability. To illustrate, they want to make sure they have enough money in order to provide
better
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a better
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life
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 for their future babies.
For example
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, often
couples
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 when they start
the
Change the word
their
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 first job
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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earn low salaries after
period
Add an article
a period
the period
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they
Correct pronoun usage
their
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salary
Replace the word
salaries
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 increase gradually . Sense of freedom is another reason why many
couples
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 decide to delay having
children
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. To put
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in
Correct pronoun usage
it in
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 other words,
couples
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 often prefer to enjoy their
live
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lives
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 namely,
travel
Wrong verb form
travelling
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 around the world in order to experience
a new cultures
Correct the article-noun agreement
new cultures
a new culture
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 without worrying about
to look
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looking
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 after
children
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, which
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this
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can reduce
stree
Correct your spelling
stress
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
couples
Use synonyms
.
However
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, I would like to argue that the drawbacks of
this
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 phenomenon
significantly
Add a missing verb
are significantly
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 far more than
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
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. The first disadvantage, people who decide to have
children
Use synonyms
 later in their
life
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 can face challenges
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
upbringing
Correct article usage
the upbringing
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their
Change preposition
of their
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 future babies.
This
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 is
due to
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 the fact the, increase
the
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in the
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 age gap between
partents
Correct your spelling
parents
 and their
children
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, which can
leads
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lead
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misunderstanding
Change preposition
to misunderstanding
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 between generations. The second disadvantage women who become pregnant in senior age are more likely to birth
children
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 with
defect
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defective
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 genes .
Furthermore
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,
also
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 pregnancy at older age
make
Change the verb form
makes
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 mother
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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more vulnerable to
develop
Wrong verb form
developing
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 serious diseases
such
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 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 cancer, heart attack,
high
Correct word choice
and high
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 blood pressure.
To sum up
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, there are a number of reasons why some individuals decide to have
children
Use synonyms
 later in their
life
Use synonyms
 including, financial stability,
Correct article usage
a feel
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feel
Wrong verb form
feeling
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 of freedom,
on the other hand
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, In my perspective, the downsides of
this
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 trend outperform the upsides.
Submitted by faiz3177 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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