Some people believe that children who are given pocket money every week have less problems managing money when they become adults. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #children #pocket #money #week #adults

,some agree that

children

who are given

pocket

money

every week experience few problems in managing

funds

during their adult life . For the past years in my country,

this

has become a topic of debate among school boards and parents whether

children

should be given

pocket

allowances or not considering the fact that they carry to school packed breakfast and lunch.

However

,the truth is ,

they

Correct pronoun usage

there

show examples

are both advantages and disadvantages to consider regarding the matter.

For instance

, some of the adults who had an opportunity to be given

pocket

funds

at an early age are very responsible stewards of their

funds

today.

Moreover

, regardless of that, I strongly disagree because most of my schoolmates who used to be granted petty cash , are now experiencing hardships in managing their finances because they never considered

money

as an income but they only knew that if they had

money

they

can

Wrong verb form

could

show examples

spend it anyhow knowing that after exhausting everything they will be given again.The habit of receiving and spending is even affecting them today as elders .

This

makes me believe that

children

ought to be taught how to handle and spend

funds

as soon as

when

Rephrase

apply

show examples

they start receiving

money

This

will help them even when they grow older.

Furthermore

,some did not even know what to do with the

funds

This

led them to purchase harmful substances like drugs.Even today as elders they are failing to make good decisions and choices regarding their

funds

, leading them to mismanage their finances.Again some experienced peer pressure because they started competing with the amounts of

funds

, and they ended up dropping out of school in search of more

money

in many different bad ways. In conclusion , supported by the above reasons , I firmly stand my ground ,disagreeing that,

children

given

pocket

money

experience fewer problems with monetary management when they are old.

Submitted by Lethukuthula.tshuma1 on Mon Jul 03 2023

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task response

The essay partially addresses the task but lacks depth and comprehensive development of ideas. There is a need for a more balanced argument with relevant examples and a clear overall viewpoint.

coherence and cohesion

The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion. However, the logical structure within paragraphs needs improvement. The points are somewhat disjointed, and the progression of ideas could be strengthened with better transitions and connections between sentences and paragraphs.

lexical resource

The essay demonstrates a range of vocabulary, but frequent inaccuracies and lack of precision affect the overall quality of expression. Use of a wider range of vocabulary and more precise language would enhance the essay.

grammatical range

The essay shows some control of a range of grammatical structures, but there are numerous errors, resulting in unclear or awkward expression. Aim for more accurate and varied sentence structures to improve overall coherence and accuracy.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

308 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people believe that children who are given pocket money every week have less problems managing money when they become adults. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Living in a country where you have to speak a foreing language can cause serious social problems, as well as practical problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some people say that musci is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

The goverment should sometimes infringe on people's freedom for the security of society. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement?

The ownership of car should be restricted to one per family in order to reduce traffic congestion and pollution. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.