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Writing Samples
Band 5

The gap between rich and poor is growing . What problems does this create ? What can be done to tackle them

In the world today, we can see that the
gap
Use synonyms
 between rich and poor is widening.
This
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 can make a lot of problems. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss the complications
this
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 trend can create and
also
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 offer some solutions. The most important problem is
elevation
Add an article
an elevation
the elevation
show examples
 in
crime
Correct article usage
the crime
show examples
 rate. The reason might be the fact that when the poor watch affluent individuals they make comparisons in their subconscious mind and ,
then
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, every unacceptable
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 becomes acceptable to them.
Thus
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, they start offending others by means of robbery or something like that.
For instance
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, when the police caught many robbers, they confessed that their incentive was how some wealthy families behave and they want to have their wealth.
Moreover
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, as
this
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gap
Use synonyms
 grows,
education
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 is
then
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 limited to people who have more finance.
This
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 is because of the fact that only affluent families can support their offspring,
while
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 the child in a rural
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 have to work alongside their parents to make ends meet.
Therefore
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,
a
Correct article usage
apply
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rural
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
 do not have enough time for
education
Use synonyms
 as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most
schools
Use synonyms
 are far from their residence and they have to
spent
Change the verb
spend
show examples
 their time on farmland.
For example
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, many private
schools
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 offer better training facilities for children, and they are only available to rich ones. In order to tackle these problems, authorities have to make
education
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 obligatory and free for
everyone
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 until the age
15
Change preposition
of 15
show examples
.
Everyone
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 has the right to benefit from the best facilities provided at
schools
Use synonyms
 and the
gap
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 will eradicate
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 when private
schools
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 become available to
everyone
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.
In addition
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, a minimum wage
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 to
determined
Add a missing verb
be determined
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.
Thus
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, no one has to commit a crime for
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 primary needs.  In conclusion, as
this
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gap
Use synonyms
 widens, many complications are created. An elevation in crime rate and
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of well-educated individuals are the most vital issues. People in power should try to tackle these problems.
For example
Linking Words
, by offering free
education
Use synonyms
 for
everyone
Use synonyms
 and setting a minimum wage for
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
show examples
works
Correct subject-verb agreement
work
show examples
.

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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