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Band 5

Crimes and other kinds of information on television and newspaper have adverse consequences. This kind of information to be restricted to be shown in media. To what extend do you agree or disagree.

#crimes #kinds #information #television #newspaper #consequences #media
Showcasing crime scenes and vicious content on
news
media
 can have dire consequences. Today it is believed that it should be prohibited to be shown to the public. I partially agree with the aforementioned statement,
this
 sort of information should not be completely banned,
instead
,
news
 editors need to implement some regulations in order to keep the good mental condition of community members.
To begin
 with, browsing crime
news
 has a mental effect on an individual, especially
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
children. When a person watches crime scenes on broadcasts, they get petrified by the content.
Furthermore
, children are the ones who get influenced the most, because their world outlook is only starting to develop, and their obsessive interest in exploring something new on
world
Correct article usage
the world
show examples
wibe
Correct your spelling
wide
 web. In fact, in the future, a child might become a culprit
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
such
 a case.
For instance
, a
14 year old
Add a hyphen
14-year-old
show examples
 student in America committed a mass murder in his school using a rifle gun,
who
Correct pronoun usage
he
show examples
 explained
this
 incident by telling that he had been carried away with similar cases on the television in the past.
However
, reporting brutal content on mass
media
 will arise the awareness of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. By surfing the trusted mainstream
media
, people get updated with what is going on over the globe. it can serve as a prevention of critical accidents. To illustrate, after a case of terroristic act happened in
of
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apply
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the schools in Russia, in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 city of Kazan,
ministry
Correct article usage
the ministry
show examples
 of
education
Capitalize word
Education
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 and
security
Capitalize word
Security
show examples
implented
Correct your spelling
implemented
implanted
 new security techniques to avoid
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
show examples
 of accidents.
To conclude
, even though the
news
media
 has its own beneficial aspects by which people will be alert, some severe information
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 to be private, in order not to cause a mental breakdown of an individual.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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