IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some cities, public parks and open spaces are changed into gardens where local residents can grow their own fruits and vegetables. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

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Nowadays, gardening has become increasingly vital in modern society
due to
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 the rise of
gobal
Correct your spelling
global
 warming.
Therefore
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, in some metropolis places, the citizens are allowed to
plan
Verb problem
plant
show examples
 their
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
 vegetables in public parks and open spaces. From my perspective,
this
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 model brings a range of benefits. The primary
of
Check wording
purpose of
show examples
this
Linking Words
 development is that it strengthens the social bonds.
This
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 is because
people
Use synonyms
currently are
Correct word order
are currently
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 spending time using their electronic
equipments
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equipment
show examples
, and some recent studies
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 indicated that
this
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 problem can cause the rise of depression and loneliness
in every
Change preposition
at all
show examples
 ages.
This
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 eventually makes
people
Use synonyms
developing
Wrong verb form
develop
show examples
 some negative
behaviors
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behaviours
show examples
, including self-isolation and lack of social connection, leading to highly
anti social behaviors
Correct your spelling
antisocial behaviours
.
This
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 method
therefore
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 not only helps individuals to reconnect and interact with
community
Correct article usage
the community
show examples
 but
also
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 lifts up their spirits, which
people
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 feel easily sharing their experiences
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 each other and expanding
the
Correct article usage
their
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 acquaintances.
Additionally
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, gardening in local places helps the gorvenment saving
amount
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 of money and
enhancing
Wrong verb form
enhances
show examples
 the society's perception. The first rationale for
this
Linking Words
 is that the authorities
donnot
Correct your spelling
do not
 need to spend
Use synonyms
amount
Correct article usage
an amount
show examples
 of money in small sectors,
such
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 as
planing
Correct your spelling
planting
 seeds and watering monthly in order to make sure the plants can grow, which cost
amount
Use synonyms
 of money for
workforce
Correct article usage
the workforce
show examples
 in
maintainance
Correct your spelling
maintenance
.
Moreover
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,
planing
Use the right word
planting
show examples
 trees by individuals makes peple having a great sense of responsibility, which means that
people
Use synonyms
 tend to put efforts to protect and
preserve
Wrong verb form
preserving
show examples
 their plants and fruits.
This
Linking Words
 model eventually makes
people
Use synonyms
awaring
Correct your spelling
aware
 of protecting enironment and readucing
amount
Use synonyms
 of
contanimation
Correct your spelling
contamination
. In conclusion, allowing
people
Use synonyms
have
Verb problem
to have
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 freedom to grow fruits and vegetables
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
show examples
 numerous merits, from improving
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
communication, saving
Use synonyms
amount
Correct word choice
a significant amount
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 of budgets to developing strong perceptions. I believe that
apply
Wrong verb form
applying
show examples
this
Linking Words
 method in modern life can create a long-term solution for protecting
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
 and
createing
Correct your spelling
creating
 daily
valuables
Correct your spelling
values
.

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Overall score
Estimated score: 5. Your main ideas are clear, but you need to answer the full question more directly and explain your ideas with clearer, more real detail.
Task response
The question asks if the good points are greater than the bad points. You only write about good points. Add one bad point, such as less room for children to play or less space for people to rest, then say why the good points are still greater.
Task response
Your first paragraph talks a lot about phones, depression, and bad acts. This is not close enough to gardens in parks. Say more clearly how shared gardens help neighbors meet, talk, and work together.
Task response
Give one simple example. For example: “People in the same area can water plants together at the weekend and share food.” This will make your point stronger.
Coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each body paragraph. In body paragraph 1, stay with social life. In body paragraph 2, stay with money and care for the land.
Coherence and cohesion
Some links between ideas are hard to follow. For example, the move from phone use to anti-social acts is too fast. Use short, clear steps: people stay at home more; they meet others less; a shared garden gives them a place to meet.
Coherence and cohesion
Make the end more direct. Write: “Although parks may have less open room, I believe shared gardens have more good points because they bring people together and help cities care for green land.”
Coherence and cohesion
Use simpler, more exact sentences. This will help your ideas flow better and make your meaning easy to understand.
Task response
You give a clear view: you think the good points are stronger than the bad points.
Task response
You give two main good points: people can meet more, and the city can save money.
Coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an end.
Coherence and cohesion
Words such as “Additionally”, “Moreover”, and “In conclusion” help the reader follow your ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • public park
  • open space
  • local residents
  • grow food
  • fruit and vegetables
  • fresh produce
  • healthy diet
  • save money
  • lower cost
  • community spirit
  • work together
  • share tools
  • help each other
  • green space
  • good for the environment
  • reduce transport
  • learn about nature
  • public use
  • free space
  • outdoor activities
  • take care of
  • set rules
  • local area
  • lose interest
  • keep a balance
  • outweigh the disadvantages
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