In some cities, public parks and open spaces are changed into gardens where local residents can grow their own fruits and vegetables. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

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Introduction
Nowadays, gardening has become increasingly vital in modern society
due to
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the rise of global warming.
Therefore
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, in some metropolitan areas, citizens are allowed to plant their
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vegetables in public parks and open spaces. From my perspective,
this
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model brings a range of benefits.
Body paragraph 1
The primary benefit of
this
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development is that it strengthens social bonds. Currently,
people
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are spending vast amounts of time using their electronic devices, and recent studies have indicated that
this
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problem can cause a rise in depression and loneliness across all ages.
This
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eventually leads
people
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to develop negative
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, including self-isolation and a lack of social connection, resulting in highly antisocial tendencies.
This
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gardening method,
therefore
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, not only helps individuals reconnect and interact with their community, but it
also
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lifts their spirits, making them feel comfortable sharing their experiences with each other and expanding their circle of acquaintances.
Body paragraph 2
Additionally
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, gardening in local public spaces helps the government save a significant amount of money
while
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enhancing societal awareness. The first rationale for
this
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is that the authorities do not need to spend funds on smaller tasks,
such
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as planting seeds and watering them monthly to ensure they grow, which generally costs a substantial amount in workforce maintenance.
Moreover
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, planting trees individually gives
people
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a great sense of responsibility, meaning they tend to put effort into protecting and preserving their plants and crops.
This
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model eventually makes
people
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aware of environmental protection and helps reduce contamination.
Conclusion
In conclusion, allowing
people
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the freedom to grow fruits and vegetables brings numerous merits, from improving communication and saving public budgets to developing strong environmental awareness. I believe that applying
this
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method in modern life can create a long-term solution for protecting the environment and creating valuable daily experiences.

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Task response
Overall score: 6. You answer the question, but you only write about the good points. Add one bad point, such as less space for children to play, or problems when many people want the same land. Then say clearly why the good points are still stronger.
Task response
Some ideas are too far from the main topic. Global warming, phone use, depression, and antisocial acts take too much space. Focus more on food, fresh plants, local life, and the use of public land.
Task response
Give a real or clear example. For example: a small garden can give old people fresh food and let nearby families meet each week.
Coherence and cohesion
Your main plan is good, but some links are not clear. In the first main part, the move from phone use to public gardens is long. State the key point first, then explain it with one short example.
Coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each part. The second part mixes saving money, care for plants, and the environment. Split these ideas more clearly, or choose only two and explain them well.
Coherence and cohesion
Use simple links carefully: “First”, “For example”, “As a result”, and “However”. Do not use too many long cause-and-effect lines in one sentence.
Task response
You give a clear view: the good points are stronger than the bad points.
Task response
Your main ideas are on topic: people can meet others, and the city can save money.
Coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an end.
Coherence and cohesion
Words like “Additionally” and “In conclusion” help the reader follow your ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • public park
  • open space
  • local residents
  • grow food
  • fruit and vegetables
  • fresh produce
  • healthy diet
  • save money
  • lower cost
  • community spirit
  • work together
  • share tools
  • help each other
  • green space
  • good for the environment
  • reduce transport
  • learn about nature
  • public use
  • free space
  • outdoor activities
  • take care of
  • set rules
  • local area
  • lose interest
  • keep a balance
  • outweigh the disadvantages
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