IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that public health is the responsibility of the government, while others believe that individuals should be responsible for their own health. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #health #responsibility #government #individuals
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Some believe that public
health
Use synonyms
 is the
responsibility
Use synonyms
 of the authorities,
whereas
Linking Words
 others feel that
people
Use synonyms
 should be responsible for their own
health
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, the government have
main
Add an article
the main
show examples
responsibility
Use synonyms
 for their
Use synonyms
citizens
Change to a genitive case
citizen's
citizens'
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health
Use synonyms
 rather than
Use synonyms
citizens
Correct article usage
the citizens
show examples
. On the one hand, some think
individuals
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 should take
responsibility
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 for their
health
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 rather than the
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governments
Fix the agreement mistake
government
show examples
. They think if
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individuals
Use synonyms
 become responsible
about
Change preposition
for
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 their
health
Use synonyms
this
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 can encourage them to adopt healthy
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
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. To illustrate, they will eat healthy food and
playing
Wrong verb form
play
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 sports.
As a result
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,
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
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 lifestyle can prevent
people
Use synonyms
 to develop serious diseases namely, cancer, overweight,
heart
Correct word choice
and heart
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 attack.
On the other hand
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, I would like to agree with those who believe
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
governments
Use synonyms
 should become responsible
about
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their
citizens
Use synonyms
 .
Firstly
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,
people
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 have paid taxes to
governments
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.
Consequently
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, the
governments
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 should use these funds to provide
better
Correct article usage
a better
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 healthcare system namely, hospitals,
clinics
Correct word choice
and clinics
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 with affordable prices
as well as
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 quality services for
individuals
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.
For example
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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Saudi Arabia
offer
Change the verb form
offers
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 free healthcare for all
citizens
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 with
high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
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 medical services.
Secondly
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, the
governments
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 have
power
Change the article
the power
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 to introduce laws in order
Fix the infinitive
to
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make regulations regarding
force
Replace the word
forcing
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 restaurants to make
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health
Replace the word
healthy
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 food.
Therefore
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,
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this
Correct determiner usage
these
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regulations can enhance
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
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overall
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health
Use synonyms
 and prevent them to develop serious diseases namely, obesity,
cancer
Correct word choice
and cancer
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, because
the
Correct article usage
apply
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most
of
Change preposition
apply
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diseases result
of
Change preposition
from
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 unhealthy food.
To sum up
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, In my perspective,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
overall
Linking Words
health
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 is the
responsibility
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 of the government rather than
individuals
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, because
people
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 already have paid taxes to the
governments
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, and the
governments
Use synonyms
 have powerful tools to promote healthy
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
show examples
.
Submitted by faiz3177 on

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