IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #time #loss #species #plants #animals
It has been argued that the most urgent environmental issue is the
extinction
 of some
species
,
while
 others believe that there are other crucial factors. Personally, I believe that the latter one is more reasonable, and my reasons will be given in the following essay. It is undeniable that the loss of certain
species
 is a huge problem.
To begin
 with, for isolated areas, the
extinction
 of certain kinds of plants or
animals
 will cause an environmental disaster. That's because,
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
isolation usually equals
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Correct article usage
a
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 limited chance of migration, leading to a lack of
species
 diversity,
thus
, the
food
chain
 is very simple and fragile.
As a result
, the disappearance of some
species
 usually
lead
Change the verb form
leads
show examples
 to the breakdown of the whole
food
chain
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and triggers a large-scale
extinction
.
Besides
, social
problems
 will occur
due to
 the
extinction
 of specific kinds of
animals
 and plants. In order to have as high
yield
Correct article usage
a yield
show examples
 as possible, only a few subspecies of certain cash crops are being planted, one of the most famous examples
including
Verb problem
being
show examples
 bananas, which only have one subspecies being planted worldwide.
As a result
, the supply
chain
 is fragile, and the
extinction
 of them will cause a significant drop in the total
food
 production, resulting in starvation and the cascade effect will eventually lead to conflicts and warfare.
However
, there are other environmental
problems
 that are more pressing. First of all,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
ocean
 pollution is a global crisis
due to
the
Change the word
its
show examples
 long-term impact. Considering that most of the pollutants in the modern era are difficult to break down in natural conditions,
such
 as benzene-based pesticides.
Then
 once the
ocean
 is polluted, those chemicals will not only be able to spread via the
ocean
 current but
also
 accumulate through the
food
chain
,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
poisoning creatures. After that, the dead
animals
 and plants will decompose and become
food
 for the bacteria so the pollutants will cycle repetitively, leading to long-term hazards.
Moreover
, other
problems
such
 as global warming
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
also
 very serious, as
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can lead to a sharp drop in population. Since
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human activities emit carbon dioxides
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 the air, the Earth becomes hotter and hotter, resulting in less yield in C3 crops and a vast distinction of
ocean
animals
,
then
 with an insufficient amount of
food
 produced, starvation and conflicts will kill people, leading to population drop.
To conclude
, despite there are some
problems
 that come with
species
 loss, other
problems
 are more pressing.
Submitted by zhaogen448 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Focus on addressing the specific prompt by providing a balanced view of both perspectives and clearly stating your own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
The essay lacks a clear introduction that sets up the structure of the essay. The conclusion is abrupt with no summary of main points. Focus on organizing your ideas more cohesively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • extinction
  • habitat loss
  • ecosystem
  • food chain
  • imbalance
  • interconnected
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • personal actions
  • policy changes
  • education
  • awareness
What to do next:
Look at other essays: