IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people believe that social media sites, such as Facebook or Twitter, have a negative impact on young people and their ability to form personal relationships. Others believe that these sites bring people together in a beneficial way.

#people #media #sites #facebook #twitter #impact #ability #form #relationships
It is a belief that communication platforms would be a downgrade development to folks and their capability to form real-life interactions.
Whereas
 others argue that it benefits them in terms of reunion.I think that the negative may outweigh the positive it may provide. Social platforms nowadays print into people's minds a sense of familiarity and are commonly used globally consequent to people in a variety of possible issues. Health problems are what so frequently
happen
Change the verb form
happens
show examples
 from high social media consumption.
For instance
, continuously high electronic contact for communication online area purpose would have a devastating effect on human vision and productivity as it drains the user's energy.
Furthermore
, the cause
that
Change preposition
of
show examples
 excessive social platform consumption is traced back to its availability and convenience feature,
this
anyhow
Rephrase
apply
show examples
encourages people to have a conversation online rather than physically talk making it nearly impossible to create an individual relationship that can meet in public and can be done traditionally. As for the positive moments, I would like to highlight two of them. The first one is that it is easy to communicate with friends and relatives who can be met often in person. Teenagers are able to speak with their grandparents
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 live in a different city or with their friends who live in different countries. The second one, teenagers can find useful information quickly not leaving their homes. It makes education more efficient and the students have more potential.
To sum up
, there are a lot of minuses in social media, but, on the flip side, the pluses are
also
 quite strong. But I personally assume that the negativity on these social platforms outweighs the positivity.
Submitted by David on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Your essay contains some relevant points, but your structure and organization need improvement. Your introduction and conclusion need to be clearer and more developed. Your supporting examples need to be more specific and detailed to fully support your arguments.
task achievement
You have addressed the task but need to provide a more comprehensive response. Make sure your ideas are clear and fully developed, and provide more specific examples to support your arguments. Ensure that you directly address both sides of the argument and present a balanced view of the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: