IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people say that outdoor activities benefit children's development rather than computer games. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #activities #benefit #children #development #computer #games
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Playing outdoor
games
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 has countless benefits for all ages. Some folks believe that playing
games
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 outside the house help in the growth and
development
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 of their
children
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 as compared to playing
computer
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games
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. I firmly support
this
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 given notion by knowing that playing
games
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 on a
computer
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also
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 has a few merits. Physical activities are of utmost importance for the
body
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's progress of
children
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. Sports are like an exercise which includes the whole
body
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 parts and
while
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 doing
games
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 blood circulates to all
body
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 parts as per their demand.
For example
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,
while
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 running, the heart rate increases which shows the increased oxygen demand for the organs of the
body
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 and to fulfil
this
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, the heart beats fast to oxygenate the whole
body
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.
Moreover
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, outdoor exercise
also
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 helps in the
development
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 of mental health by understanding the strategy of
games
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 and ideas on how to win.
Thus
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, it is crucial for not only physical but psychological expansion as well. Moving
further
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,
this
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 movement is beneficial for social skills
development
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 in
children
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such
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 as working as a team player, respecting each other, learning to co-operate, and learning sharing which they can't learn through
computer
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games
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 and
that is
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 a big deal. To illustrate
this
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,
children
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 who are busy playing
games
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 on computers have less social
development
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 rather than those who are taking part in outdoor activities.
Therefore
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, not only for bodily
development
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 it is
also
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 beneficial for enhancing social skills in
children
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 which are very important. In conclusion, kids who take participate in outside physical activities get the benefit of physical and psychological health,
however
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,
computer
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games
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 only help in mental
development
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 rather than physical.
Submitted by gurbir0309 on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • benefit
  • development
  • physical
  • promote
  • foster
  • social skills
  • teamwork
  • cognitive skills
  • problem-solving
  • abilities
  • well-being
  • hinder
  • isolation
  • interpersonal skills
  • sedentary
  • exposure
  • negatively affect
  • academic performance
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