IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people say that outdoor activities benefit children's development rather than computer games. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #activities #benefit #children #development #computer #games
Playing outdoor
games
 has countless benefits for all ages. Some folks believe that playing
games
 outside the house help in the growth and
development
 of their
children
 as compared to playing
computer
games
. I firmly support
this
 given notion by knowing that playing
games
 on a
computer
also
 has a few merits. Physical activities are of utmost importance for the
body
's progress of
children
. Sports are like an exercise which includes the whole
body
 parts and
while
 doing
games
 blood circulates to all
body
 parts as per their demand.
For example
,
while
 running, the heart rate increases which shows the increased oxygen demand for the organs of the
body
 and to fulfil
this
, the heart beats fast to oxygenate the whole
body
.
Moreover
, outdoor exercise
also
 helps in the
development
 of mental health by understanding the strategy of
games
 and ideas on how to win.
Thus
, it is crucial for not only physical but psychological expansion as well. Moving
further
,
this
 movement is beneficial for social skills
development
 in
children
such
 as working as a team player, respecting each other, learning to co-operate, and learning sharing which they can't learn through
computer
games
 and
that is
 a big deal. To illustrate
this
,
children
 who are busy playing
games
 on computers have less social
development
 rather than those who are taking part in outdoor activities.
Therefore
, not only for bodily
development
 it is
also
 beneficial for enhancing social skills in
children
 which are very important. In conclusion, kids who take participate in outside physical activities get the benefit of physical and psychological health,
however
,
computer
games
 only help in mental
development
 rather than physical.
Submitted by gurbir0309 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • benefit
  • development
  • physical
  • promote
  • foster
  • social skills
  • teamwork
  • cognitive skills
  • problem-solving
  • abilities
  • well-being
  • hinder
  • isolation
  • interpersonal skills
  • sedentary
  • exposure
  • negatively affect
  • academic performance
What to do next:
Look at other essays: