IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many schoolchildren today take part in work experience sessions for short periods of time instead of attending school. Is this a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

It has been a popular trend for some time now to put
children
Use synonyms
 into what can be called ‘
work
Use synonyms
 experience
placements
Use synonyms
’. The
children
Use synonyms
 are taken out of
school
Use synonyms
 and take part in various types of
work
Use synonyms
, usually for around a
week
Use synonyms
. Some people criticise
this
Linking Words
 trend, but I can’t see how it can be a negative experience. One of the criticisms is that
children
Use synonyms
 lose a
week
Use synonyms
 of schoolwork. With the pressure to do well at
school
Use synonyms
 increasing,
children
Use synonyms
 need every bit of help to maximise their potential. Taking them out of the
school
Use synonyms
, it is
therefore
Linking Words
 argued, stops them from getting access to needed education for a whole
week
Use synonyms
. As the students won’t really be of much help to a workplace for just one
week
Use synonyms
, it would
therefore
Linking Words
 be better for them to remain at
school
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 is a valid point, taking a child’s entire experience of
school
Use synonyms
 into account, a single
week
Use synonyms
 away does not make a significant difference. Indeed, if the timing of the
week
Use synonyms
’s
work
Use synonyms
placements
Use synonyms
 is done correctly, the
week
Use synonyms
 can
also
Linking Words
 serve as a kind of ‘holiday’ away from
school
Use synonyms
, something
that is
Linking Words
 regularly needed in order to allow students to remain fresh and enthusiastic. In many
work
Use synonyms
placements
Use synonyms
,
children
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 get to see some of
things
Add an article
the things
show examples
 they learn at
school
Use synonyms
 put into a realistic context, allowing them to understand the relevance of what they learn and thereby creating a way to reinforce the learning.
In addition
Linking Words
 to
this
Linking Words
, schoolchildren can be quite nervous about the world of
work
Use synonyms
 that they will have to join at some point in their lives. By getting
this
Linking Words
 short taste of what it is like, they can see that it is nothing to be scared about.
As well as
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 will often have some ideas of what they want to do for a living
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but are not sure. By allowing them to see
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 type of
work
Use synonyms
 they are considering, they are better able to decide whether that career could be suitable for them. I feel,
therefore
Linking Words
, that
work
Use synonyms
placements
Use synonyms
 can be seen as a positive development. Missing a short amount of
school
Use synonyms
 is not serious and the benefits that can be gained from the
placements
Use synonyms
 are
Correct your spelling
significant
significan
Correct your spelling
significant

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: