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Band 6.5

Many factors motivate people in the workplace. Of these, money is the most important. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#factors #people #workplace #money
Nowadays, many
people
 think that
money
 will be the most important thing that motivates
people
 in the workplace. In
this
 essay, I will totally disagree with
this
 view. It is undeniable that
money
 is essential to motivate
people
.
Firstly
,
money
 is significant for
people
 to live in
this
 society. In fact, most aspects of our lives can be addressed with
money
.
For example
, when
people
 have
money
, they can buy food, clothes or other necessary items to meet their basic needs in daily life.
Therefore
, most
people
 will consider the salary level when choosing a position.
Secondly
, it is easy to understand that no one will
work
 for free. When
people
 go to
work
, they always want to get an amount of
money
 to cover their living costs or even support their family.
Besides
, some
people
 will judge others by salary, which leads to the fact that
people
 want to get a high salary to prove themselves.
However
, I do believe that
money
 is not the most important thing to motivate workers because there are many other factors which can motivate them better. The first factor is job satisfaction. Actually, many
people
 with
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
well-paid
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 are not happy at
work
, and they end up finding another job. Another element may be the working environment. It means that
people
 can
work
 with their bosses and workmates to
get
Verb problem
reach
show examples
 common goals. If
people
 cannot socialize with their workmates, they seem to be isolated
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and may have no motivation to go to
work
. In conclusion,
although
money
 is important to motivate
people
 at
work
, it is the most essential one because there are many other factors that can motivate
people
.
Submitted by phuongank1511 on

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Task Response
Task Response: The essay provides a clear response to the prompt expressing disagreement with the idea that money is the most important factor in workplace motivation. The arguments are supported and the position is well-developed.
Coherence and Cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay demonstrates a well-structured logical progression of ideas, linking words and cohesive devices. The introduction and conclusion are clear and relevant to the topic. However, some supporting points could be further developed to enhance coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Compensation
  • Incentives
  • Job satisfaction
  • Work ethic
  • Performance-based bonuses
  • Recognition
  • Employee retention
  • Career advancement
  • Work-life balance
  • Monetary vs. non-monetary rewards
  • Gig economy
  • Positive reinforcement
  • Team cohesion
  • Organizational culture
  • Professional development
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