IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many factors motivate people in the workplace. Of these, money is the most important. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#factors #people #workplace #money
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Nowadays, many
people
Use synonyms
 think that
money
Use synonyms
 will be the most important thing that motivates
people
Use synonyms
 in the workplace. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will totally disagree with
this
Linking Words
 view. It is undeniable that
money
Use synonyms
 is essential to motivate
people
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
money
Use synonyms
 is significant for
people
Use synonyms
 to live in
this
Linking Words
 society. In fact, most aspects of our lives can be addressed with
money
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, when
people
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 have
money
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, they can buy food, clothes or other necessary items to meet their basic needs in daily life.
Therefore
Linking Words
, most
people
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 will consider the salary level when choosing a position.
Secondly
Linking Words
, it is easy to understand that no one will
work
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 for free. When
people
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 go to
work
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, they always want to get an amount of
money
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 to cover their living costs or even support their family.
Besides
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, some
people
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 will judge others by salary, which leads to the fact that
people
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 want to get a high salary to prove themselves.
However
Linking Words
, I do believe that
money
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 is not the most important thing to motivate workers because there are many other factors which can motivate them better. The first factor is job satisfaction. Actually, many
people
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 with
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
well-paid
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 are not happy at
work
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, and they end up finding another job. Another element may be the working environment. It means that
people
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 can
work
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 with their bosses and workmates to
get
Verb problem
reach
show examples
 common goals. If
people
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 cannot socialize with their workmates, they seem to be isolated
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and may have no motivation to go to
work
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. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
money
Use synonyms
 is important to motivate
people
Use synonyms
 at
work
Use synonyms
, it is the most essential one because there are many other factors that can motivate
people
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by phuongank1511 on

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Task Response
Task Response: The essay provides a clear response to the prompt expressing disagreement with the idea that money is the most important factor in workplace motivation. The arguments are supported and the position is well-developed.
Coherence and Cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay demonstrates a well-structured logical progression of ideas, linking words and cohesive devices. The introduction and conclusion are clear and relevant to the topic. However, some supporting points could be further developed to enhance coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Compensation
  • Incentives
  • Job satisfaction
  • Work ethic
  • Performance-based bonuses
  • Recognition
  • Employee retention
  • Career advancement
  • Work-life balance
  • Monetary vs. non-monetary rewards
  • Gig economy
  • Positive reinforcement
  • Team cohesion
  • Organizational culture
  • Professional development
What to do next:
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