Nowadays young people spend too much of their free time in shopping malls. This has negative effects on themselves and the society they live in. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
In recent years, the trend of youngsters gathering at shopping malls has gained momentum, fueled by various factors
such
as the proliferation of social media influence, peer pressure, and the allure of consumer culture. Contemporary discussions often centre around the impact on teenagers who spend to
much Correct your spelling
too
time
in these locations, a topic extensively highlighted in media outlets. I firmly support the notion that this
phenomenon yields adverse effects, a stance I will substantiate in the ensuing discourse.
On the one hand, undoubtedly, spending leisure moments in shopping malls yields economic benefits and enhances customer convenience. The influx of visitors to these establishments creates job opportunities within the retail sector, while
also
fostering the expansion of hospitality services, thereby enriching the local workforce. Moreover
, the concentration of diverse retail outlets within a confined space, encompassing bookstores, clothing boutiques, supermarkets, and entertainment venues, facilitates the fulfilment of multifaceted needs,
and significantly reduces travel Remove the comma
apply
time
.
Conversely
, compelling arguments cast a shadow over these advantages. Primarily, the pervasive influence of in-store advertisements often derails customers from their intended spending patterns, leading to excessive consumption of time
and finances. Additionally
, the environmental toll exacted by indoor environments, reliant on artificial lighting and air conditioning, underscores a pressing concern for sustainability. Furthermore
, prolonged stays within these enclosed spaces may compromise teenagers' well-being, as scientific research extols the therapeutic benefits of outdoor activities for physical and mental recovery. Moreover
, the lack of exposure to natural sunlight and fresh air within mall environments can have detrimental effects on mood regulation and mental health, exacerbating feelings of stress, anxiety, and depression among the youth. As mounting evidence highlights the importance of outdoor recreation and nature-based activities in promoting overall
well-being, the potential health risks associated with excessive hours spent in shopping plaza
warrant careful consideration.
In summary, notwithstanding the economic perks associated with spending leisure Fix the agreement mistake
plazas
time
in shopping shopping
Remove the redundancy
apply
centers
, I contend that Change the spelling
centres
such
behaviour is detrimental to teenagers. I believe adolescents to judiciously allocate their leisure hours to activities that foster holistic well-being, prioritizing outdoor pursuits conducive to health and vitality.Submitted by cathyngo1512 on
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task achievement
Ensure your introduction clearly outlines the scope of your essay, including a thesis statement that reflects your main argument. Your essay has a strong introduction, but emphasizing your stance more prominently could make it even more effective.
task achievement
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coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-structured, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. To enhance the logical flow, consider using more transitional phrases to connect your ideas more cohesively. This will also improve your coherence and cohesion score.
coherence cohesion
When supporting your main points, aim for a balanced discussion by considering contrasting viewpoints or acknowledging counterarguments. This approach will make your argument more nuanced and improve the supported main points criterion.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.