IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Computers are often argued to be the most important invention of the last hundred years. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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From the previous century, it has been argued that personal computers are the most significant innovation invented so far. In my perspective, it has brought pros
along with
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 cons in the lives of inhabitants.
To begin
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 with, the laptops helped
in making
Wrong verb form
make
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 working quite convenient in a plethora of ways.
Initially
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, it has been considered the most accurate, easiest, and best way to maintain a record of the data and to analyze it,
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also
Rephrase
as well as
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 to conduct
further
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 research . In fact, all around the world in workplaces, health centres, schools, and many other organisations these gadgets are utilised to share, monitor and discuss various records.
Besides
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, it seems to be an easier criterion to present and share knowledge in the form of writing, visuals and videos.
For instance
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, the software installed in the laptops
such
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 as Word, Excel, PowerPoint, and many more is operated by the dwellers for learning, discussing, presenting or sharing their findings.
On the other hand
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, like every development comes up with its negative impact similar is the case here. To commence with, technical gadgets have a negative impact on the physique, eyesight, and
on
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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brain of the users.
In other words
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, the long screening time has impacted the vision of the operators, more than the wrong sitting posture has affected their physique as well.
Moreover
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, youngsters spend hours playing various games on the PC,
thus
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 it costs their grades and their health.
For example
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, in
this
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 century, teenagers are more obese and suffering from diseases
due to
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 a lack of physical activity. In conclusion, the latest technology has boomed society with ample advantages. The laptops are useful in documentation, learning, connecting the world, and in many more ways, whilst these have a negative impact on the mental and physical well-being of users as well.

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task response
Your essay lacks a clear stance on the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement. Make sure to clearly state your position in the introduction and develop it throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a basic logical structure but could benefit from better paragraph organization to improve coherence and cohesion. Make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that ideas flow logically from one paragraph to the next.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • pivotal
  • revolutionizing
  • indispensable
  • accelerating
  • innovations
  • transformative
  • advancements
  • global connectivity
  • sustainability
  • technological dependence
  • counterpoint
  • long-term consequences
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