IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think it is better for one single legal system throughout the world. Other say countries should have their own law

#people #system #world #countries #law
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If on the ground will is only one low system will be better to think of some humans,
while
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 others believe that every state should have their own legislation.
Although
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 having the same legal system will make it easier to memorize or learn , it will be hard to follow for
people
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, because of their unsimilar positions in the
country
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.
Firstly
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, when the world has similar rules
people
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 can effortlessly learn them.
Also
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, almost everyone will be aware of many important laws.
For instance
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, if each
country
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 imposes a large number of fines for throwing garbage in South Korea
people
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 will be aware that for throwing trash they should pay fines. Parents never shout at or beat their children because they will know it is illegal and the government can put them behind bars, so if the world had the same constitution, the rules would be less violated and
people
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 would be informed.
Secondly
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, if the world has the same Constitution humans can not follow them, in view of the fact that they live in different countries which have their own traditions, weather or financial positions.
For example
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,
people
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 from India every time wear their traditional clothes
due to
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 their customs, and
people
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 from cold weather countries can not wear Indian traditional clothes which are called "sari" because of the weather. Every
country
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 should have their own constitutions which are available in the positions of the
country
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. In conclusion, ruling the whole earth with only the same rules can not be right.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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task achievement
Try to formulate the thesis statement more precisely in the introduction. It is essential to clearly indicate your position on the topic at the beginning of your essay.
task achievement
There is room to expand and better develop your main points. Aim to provide at least two to three clear and well-supported arguments for each viewpoint you discuss.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, work on the flow between sentences and paragraphs. Make sure ideas transition smoothly and logically.
coherence cohesion
Improve the depth of your conclusion by summarizing the main points discussed and re-emphasizing your stance.
relevant specific examples
You did a good job of providing relevant examples to support your arguments, particularly in the second paragraph about South Korea and India.
complete response
The essay addresses the prompt directly and covers both perspectives, which demonstrates a good understanding of the task.
logical structure
You used some connector words that help structure your essay logically, which is a key aspect of maintaining coherence and cohesion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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