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Band 4

The diagram illustrates the process that is used to manufacture bricks for the building industry.

The diagram illustrates the process that is used to manufacture bricks for the building industry.
#process #bricks #industry
The diagram
demonstrate
Change the verb form
demonstrates
show examples
 the process that generated brick for the building industry.
Overall
, the excavator
dig
Change the verb form
digs
show examples
clay
 from the ground. And it
prepare
Change the verb form
prepares
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 for leave.
In addition
to
Change preposition
apply
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autotrucks
Correct your spelling
auto trucks
 deliver to special places. First of
all
Add a comma
,all
show examples
clay
dug
Add a missing verb
is dug
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 by
a diggers
Correct the article-noun agreement
diggers
a digger
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moreover
 it
Add a missing verb
is direct
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direct
Replace the word
directed
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 to
metal
Add an article
the metal
show examples
 grid.
Clay
 which passed through a metal grille will
chang
Correct your spelling
change
show examples
 to sand.
Next,
sand mix with water after that pour
in to
Join the words
into
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 a mould. The
clay
 that comes out of the mould
cut
Add a missing verb
is cut
show examples
 by
wire
Correct article usage
a wire
show examples
 cutter.
Then
 comes
to
Change preposition
apply
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a brick state . In
the
Correct determiner usage
this
show examples
 stage after it
sent
Add a missing verb
is sent
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 to
drying
Correct article usage
the drying
show examples
 oven and it keeps there for 24 or 48 hours. After it direct to kiln .
In addition
to
Change preposition
apply
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it holds on in moderate from 200
°C
 till 980
°C
 , in high from 870
°C
 until 1300
°C
 or it saves 48-72 hours in
cooling
Add an article
the cooling
a cooling
show examples
 chamber.
Change the spelling
Afterwards
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Afterward
Add a comma
,Afterward
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 it is
packing
Wrong verb form
packed
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
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after
Correct word choice
and after
show examples
 that packaged products deliver to
special
Add an article
a special
show examples
 destination.
Submitted by ieltsteaching0 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in addition".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words clay, °c with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 2 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • diagram
  • manufacture
  • bricks
  • building industry
  • process
  • dig
  • prepare
  • clay
  • mold
  • shape
  • dry
  • fire
  • kiln
  • cool
  • package
  • fired
  • overview
  • importance
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